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My Parents Can't Accept My Boyfriend of 2.5 Years

anonymous18
Community Member

Hello,

I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we are both 19. He is very respectful of me and we love each other.

A major issue that has been constant in the past 2.5 years of my life is that my mum won't accept my boyfriend. It is for a number of reasons:
1. His parents are lesbian
2. He is not from the ethnic background my mum would like my boyfriend to be from (he is Australian). We come from an Italian ethnicity, and my mum likes people who are Italian, Asian, South African, and others she approves.
3. His family isn't as well-off as ours
4. She thinks that what he is studying now is going to mean not enough money in the future and therefore we will be "counting our 5-cent pieces to pay bills" if we end up together forever
5. He"just doesn't suit me"

My mum and I will get into arguments about these things on a regular basis and it hurts me so much because my mum and I are very close and I can feel it slowly chipping away at the relationship we have. She said that if we end up together she will never accept it. She comes up with excuses like "she wants me to be free because I am only 19", and I am apparently "stuck in a rut" with this person because he is my first boyfriend. But she has never said these things to my sister because she approves of her boyfriend (who is Italian and has a very well-off family), so why would she need to "be free"? Because my mum approves?

I do not feel trapped in my relationship like my mum convinces me that I am. I hangout with my friends and I study and have my own hobbies just like he does. My mum has made me feel very guilty by saying "look at all of the things I do for you", in other words I am not grateful for all of the things she has ever done for me because I have fallen in love with someone who she doesn't approve of.

This gets to me terribly, and for the whole 2.5 years it has been on my mind and gets to me. It's stopping me from doing uni work & being a positive person. My happiness has been deteriorating and I am becoming less like myself. No matter where I am or what I am doing, I may be on holiday overseas, I may be having fun with my best friend at an outing, I may be laughing with my boyfriend, but this feeling caused by my mum simply not accepting my boyfriend sits within me all. the. time. and it definitely stops me from reaching my full potential of wellbeing. I have talked to my mum many times but it always ends bad.

Oh and I do not dare tell my dad my bfs parents are lesbian!

Please help me.

3 Replies 3

Jessicatherese94
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi anonymous, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through - it is super difficult when a family member doesn't approve of your significant other. It kind of sounds like the reason's why she doesn't like him are rather superficial (to do with money etc). I'm sure you've obviously told her how important he is to you. Do you have any other family members that could talk to your mother? I know it's hard when parents aren't accepting with aspects of your life, maybe you could suggest family counselling or mediation?

Hi Jessica,

Yes I agree they are quite superficial reasons. The other issue is that my boyfriend's parents are lesbian. They are also quite 'aussie' which my parents aren't a huge fan of. I could talk to my auntie (my mum's sister), but I am scared that I will also get a negative response. But I have better luck with her than my mum for sure, so I will give it a go. I am currently seeing a psychologist for my anxiety issues, and I have talked to her about this and she has suggested to get my mum to come in with me to talk to another psychologist who works there and deals with relationship/family issues. I am very worried about this though, I don't want my mum to get angry about it and make things a whole lot worse. I'm scared that if she finds out that I talk to my psychologist about this issue that she won't want me to go to anymore sessions.

And thank you very much for your reply and for being understanding