My mum is messed up…..

[Bee1998]

My mum has always hated me and I have no idea why…..
 
So, to give you a brief description of what my mum is like… she is very mentally unstable. My whole family is certain she has Bi-polar disorder, borderline personally disorder, and she has been diagnosed with depression, and had severe post-natal depression, which got worse each time after she gave birth to her four children (me included). 
I have had a very up and down and unstable relationship with my mum my whole life. Sometimes she’s somewhat pleasant to be around, and other times she’s unbearable and horrible to be around. 
She goes through periods where she snaps and becomes psychotic and has manic episodes where she is physically and verbally abusive. 
Since a very young age, my mum has physically, verbally and mentally abused me. And when I say physically abused me, I don’t mean the common smack on the butt. 
I recently re-read old journals I wrote as a kid (most of the ones left are when I was around 11 years old). There was things in there that my mum had said to me, such as, her calling me fat because I asked for seconds for dinner, her calling me a lesbian at age 11, telling me I was out to ruin her relationship at the time, calling me horrible names (which I probably can’t say on here). There were times when she wouldn’t feed me and I was starving. 
I still remember when she used to pull my hair before school and swear at me when I was in Grade 2/3, and I would have to walk to school by myself crying. 
The most recent thing that happened with my mum was, my partner and I had moved in with her temporarily for two months (which was my mum’s idea). 
Anyway, things were going great for the first couple of weeks, then things started to turn gradually, until finally she snapped. She would complain that we were messy and pick out little ridiculous  things (even though my partner and I are extremely tidy individuals).
Long story short, she had another manic episode and threw a large box of items at my partner’s head and was close to pushing him down a flight of stairs which would have killed him. 
The police were called and she was deemed the aggressor and we had a protection order against her. 
For several days after this incident, my mum was texting me CONSTANTLY, abusing me and saying things like, “You’re dead to me.” “I’m no longer your mother.” Calling me horrible names , telling me I ruined her life etc. 
 
It has been 3 months since that all happened, and I haven’t heard a word from her, and she blocked my number. 
I legitimately did nothing wrong, and she’s treating me like I don’t exist. 
Don’t know what the hell is wrong with my mum, but I don’t think I’m ever going to forgive her again. 
 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bee1998

Thank you so much for coming to the Forums today and for sharing your experience. We can hear that you are managing a lot right now, this sounds incredibly difficult. It is wonderful that you have felt comfortable to reach out to this community today. You never know when someone will read this post and feel less alone on their own journey. 

We recommend having a chat with one of our kind team on 1300 22 4636. They can help you in the moment if you are feeling overwhelmed or just need to talk. Our friends at SANE 1800 187 263 are also experts at supporting those with family and friends with complex mental health needs so they will have lots of information and empathy too.

We hope you can remember to be kind to yourself, it must have taken a lot of courage to share today Please feel welcome to come back and post again if you want to or join other conversations across this vibrant and supportive community.  Kind regards,

Sophie M 

[TurtleShell]

Hi Bee

I too grew up with a mum who was both physically and emotionally abusive. I was called names, including various fat names, which now when I look back on photos, I was clearly not a fat kid. But those words sting and stay with you for life. I don't know why she had kids because she just treated us like slaves.

Once my sister and left home she kind of mellowed. When we had our own kids she was a great nanna. Until one day when my eldest daughter was 13. Things were playful and then it escalated and my mum smacked her. It was at that point I lost my shiz and all my bottled up feelings about her came tumbling out my mouth and I told her to leave my house. 

After that she text me saying basically the same as your mum and asked me to give the keys back to her house that I had. I sat down and took my time in writing a reply to her. I wrote down everything she had done to me that wasn't ok and how dare she treat her own kids the way she had treated us. After I had gotten everything off my chest and hit the send button, I felt free. I felt like a literal weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I haven't spoken to her for 7 years. It's nice and I don't miss her like I thought I would've.

Sometimes you just have to cut toxic people from your life. It's unfortunate but your happiness is more important. 

Write your mum a letter either on your phone or paper and get everything off your chest. Even if you don't give it to her, you will feel better. Don't let her toxic behaviour control your future.