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My husband cheated

Cindybul
Community Member
Hi,

This is my first time join in here, usually I can manage my loneliness and anxiety by doing some activities. But now I couldn't, I feel scared, alone, my family is in other country. I don't want make them worry and sad because something just happened in my life.

My husband cheated on me, Its a long story. he did with other girl before we married, then he promised me he never do that again. I wasn't in oz until 2017, I was in my hometown with our 2yo daughter. When I came here I found his condoms in his wardrobe,that time we are not had sex or romance things. I ask him about it, first he said I don't know then it was for you. I don't want think negative. he always act differently when I try to borrow his phone. I doubt and tried to check while he was sleeping. Then I caught it from his phone, he ordered massage girl in 2017 when I was here in Australia. And 2 messages in 2020 like the girl ordered him to come. I wonder how many time he did in behind me. I'm just crying alone, trying to figure out what I've to do, I'm scared it will happen again. I'm feel tired of everything, I didn't get what I deserved all these years even his affection to me. When we fight he always said I'm crazy, stupid, psycho but I still accept it. After he knows that I know. he did say sorry, beg me, then he cry and it was wrong. What should I do, I don't have any job or money, I don't have anyone here. I know we are always fight, but that's because I need his affection, I need him try to understand me, need his help to taking care our kids together like all the house works and kids. My family from outside oz, I can't ask them. I'm always positively doing all the works because I thought my husband maybe tired of his office things. sometimes I can't hold my anxiety, I get angry to him. What I want is just love from him. I feels like he is not interested in me. We rarely did sex, sometimes 1 per year, 1 per week or month. maybe it's because of me, I always show my sad face to him while in home, my anxiety, I never make him happy. Should I divorce him ? I'm just scared. I don't have energy to fight or angry to him, Im just silent and crying try to figure out and I don't want it may affect my kids. I can't sleep because what he did it shows in my imagination, try not to think but it hurts. He always said it's in the past, and never do that again.I Idon't know what to say, I don't know what to do, I don't know to whom I can talk about my problem and I'm not good at talking
2 Replies 2

Virgo_Venus
Community Member
I am sorry to hear you are feeling so alone with these difficult feelings about your relationship. It sounds like you are very considerate toward your family not wanting to bother them but it must be difficult being so far away. Hopefully you can find some support here in this online community and maybe engage with a personal counsellor also.
Feeling like you can't trust your husband is a terrible burden to bear and managing the feelings of loneliness and sadness and anxiety must be tiring for you. There are people who can help you and people who care, so keep reaching out for support and I am sure you will find solutions to your problems. It's really good to talk to someone and get the help you need to feel happier in your life. You sound like you do alot to make your husband's home and family life comfortable so you deserve also to feel content in your life. You sound like you are a very kind hardworking loving person so don't give up reaching out and seeking solutions to live the life that brings you happiness.

tranzcrybe
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Cindybul,

Welcome to the BB forums and thank you for reaching out to us as you battle many emotions over your husband's betrayal.

Your husband has been unfaithful in the past and has not changed his ways - you need assurance that his words can be true for this marriage to survive.

Perhaps marriage counselling would be a good place to have an open conversation about what isn't working for you and why your husband behaves the way he does. Addressing if the marriage is irreparably damaged may help you to move forward and avoid more harm to you in your mind.

It is a journey you should take together to find a solution to where your husband's loyalties are.

Feel free to continue the discussion whenever you wish.

Regards,

t.