my gf has anxiety

[Falstad]

Long story short, my gf (27) and I (35) were together 2 years and this was during Covid lockdown and it caused significant mental health issues for her, we had a massive argument one day and all the problems and issues came out and we agreed to work on things. I did everything she asked and changed the best I could where she did the opposite and it sort of baited me to the point we had another argument and she ended things with me because I called her out. She was lying to me, no sleeping with me, catching up with guys behind my back (friends I knew about), ignore me, turning her phone face down around me just to name a few things. 

We had a break from each other for about a month and the last 6 months we have been seeing each other.

Now, she claims she loves me, wants me, cannot live without me, she holds my hand in public, it's almost like a normal relationship in a sense but she will not come over to my house and she will not let me visit her. 

When I ask to see her there is always an excuse, she is either too sick, tired, wants to relax, wants to watch TV show ETC ETC but when it comes to family and friends she is never too sick, tired ETC for them.

EG. For an entire month I asked to see her every single day either movies, dinner, come over and visit and every single time there was an excuse or a no. She asked to see me 4 times in that period for a movie she wanted to watch, to show me a new car, because I said goodbye and I can't do this, and lunch before work. I just can't bring myself to say no to her. 

I told her the other day I can't do this anymore and she claim's that she never gave me hope and led me on in anyway and that when it comes to me she get's anxious around me and has anxiety. I said to her if she didn't plan to treat me right and change things between us to delete me from her life which she did. She blocked me on all social and deleted me rather than even trying.

I guess my question is, and what I am really struggling with is, why would she feel anxious around me and no body else? We had two verbal arguments, I was never violent towards her in anyway, I treated her right. Even she admits that

She changed about 18 months into the relationship when he dad betrayed me and it cost me approx. 50k and she has never been the same since

[nskye]

Hi Falstad, 

I am sorry to hear about your story and that this situation has been difficult for you, especially when it has been ongoing for a while. Relationships are often complicated, and we struggle more when we feel stuck and confused. Have you ever heard of different attachment styles and their roles in a relationship? When I was with my ex-partner, I was like you, there were so many pushes and pulls, and I struggled not to understand why it was that way. I came across a book called "Attached" by Amir Levine that helps provide some insights into adult relationships. Although this is just an idea if you are looking for further insights, everyone is different in their way, and we can never truly understand what is going on behind a person's actions.

I try to think that the silver lining in all of this is we can control our feelings, so if it is not working out and we can see that it is toxic for us, then it would be better to move forward with our life. It can be hard letting go, but I find it brings me more peace in the end, and I was able to be content with my life afterwards. What has been happening to you is not okay, and I sympathise with your situation for putting up with all the struggles you experienced. Please remember that you did everything you could; you tried to make things work out when it was difficult for you. It is never too late to make changes and let go of things that no longer serve a purpose in our life. It can be challenging, but you will never know what other unexpected opportunities are out there for you once you let this go.

You are not alone in this situation, please look after yourself well 💙

Take care,

n