My fiancé never touches me...

[Earthangel1111]

I am having a difficult time understanding why my fiancé never wants to have sex with me. He calls me gorgeous and even told a guy today that when he had his accident that the only two things he cared about was if he could still drive and if he could have sex. He’s an incomplete quad and is a very head strong guy who wasn’t familiar with an “emotional” woman. He knows what my needs are, I know what his are and I do so so much for him and I’m lucky if I get a passionate kiss or sex once a month. When I moved here from america and we got engaged I learned he had lied to me about relationships with other women before I got here. I let it slide figuring since he was lonely and unsure I’d follow through on my promise to come here that he was just lonely and wanted some female attention. Yet here I am and he can have me every day if he wanted to and yet nothing...I don’t know if I lose too much weight and he likes bbw women? He use to do so much with the gal he was seeing before me and I just feel like shit on the bottom of his shoe and I don’t understand. I almost left once back in June but he told me he and our dogs would be “screwed” without me and that if I left he’d hurt himself. Although he says ppl who do that are weak... I feel like an idiot. I feel so alone and scared and I have nobody to talk to he is emotionally inept. He treats me well and is an ass to everyone else. I can’t help but wonder if I’m being used. Please help me. The feelings of rejection and being so far from home and his words have me at a loss.

[Juliet_84]

Hi Earthangel1111,

Nice to meet you, and I’m sorry that you are going through such a rough time at the moment. Human beings crave affection and reassurance and it sounds like you’re not getting much of either. People are somewhat conditioned in relationships to turn inward and assume that the problem is us, but I want to assure you that is rarely the case. Sex can be a bit of a mine field for men, and is perceived as being intrinsically linked to their masculinity or ‘manhood’. I suspect that your partner’s issues may relate to his accident. I think him mentioning that to his friend was a way of letting him know that it all still worked and he was still a ‘functioning’ man. What has he lied to you about other relationships with women? Did he make out that he had more than he had? I think your partner’s issues come from a place of anxiety. I think that time and reassurance will work wonders. That being said, a relationship counselor may help you get to the bottom of this and help reassure him of your intentions and let him know your needs.