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Mum's Obsessed With Money

adamc
Community Member

For a long time, my Mum has always loved money, spending money and tries to get every cent she can from others.

 

When I was younger, Mum rarely cooked anything for dinner that I'd eat and when i brought it up, she said "Maybe when you start giving me some money, I'll think of cooking more things that you'll eat."

 

When she was spending too much and the government wouldn't give her more, she said "That's OK, we'll just put the kids' board up."

 

Some years ago, Dad was given my granddad's car by my Nan which Dad didn't want but took it to keep her happy. The registration and insurance was put in his name and over the years he paid them, the servicing and parts plus the petrol.

 

The car died months ago, it would've cost too much to fix and today Dad rang up someone to take it away. Mum instantly held her hand out for the money saying "It was my Dad's car, so it's natural I get the money."

 

When Dad and I went on a walk today afterwards, he said "Maybe I should close my bank account and give your mother all the money that was in it."

 

It's disgusting. She's greedy. Doesn't help when my oldest sister gives her $300-400 cash for her birthday.

4 Replies 4

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey adamc, welcome to the forums if we haven't met before... 

 

Your mum's obsession with getting more money does sound over the top. Esp the comment she made to you about the food you like. 
If mums work outside the home, it's probably a fair thing if both parents share the in-house responsibilities. 
All adults and even kids need to be doing housework, regardless of working for money or not. 
It's great training for adulthood! Even learning how to cook for oneself is important.
That's my outlook anyway. 
These kinds of decisions ie division of housework responsibilities should be up to the parents I guess. 

Could it be that your parents are involving you far more than is mentally healthy for you in things that are their issues? 

It appears you're seeing things as they are. 
It seems they're sharing a LOT of what's on their minds = low to no filters. 
It's sad your dad feels the way he does ie giving mum all his money.. but he could be talking with other adults about these feelings and issues. 

 

I was surprised to read that you feel your mum should "help" (not sure who you think she should help) when she received a gift of money for her birthday? 
My children just gave me gifts of money for my birthday and INSISTED I only spend every cent on myself. 

Does everyone have to donate their birthday gifts to the family? 

 

I sense a lot of disappointment, perhaps anger, which is yours to have, sure! You can Journal here on BB about WHAT you're angry about and WHOM you're angry with... it's your thread and may help you tease things out more. 

 

Some times our parents teach us how NOT to be parents. 
The best I could do whilst growing up was to take "mental notes" on what I would NOT do to my kids. 

 

You may just grow up to become far more mature than your parents. I think you will. 
Hold tight. 

EM

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi adamc,

It must be so hurtful and unpleasant to have a parent who treats every interaction as an opportunity for financial gain. At the very base level, you expect that there should be some level of care or sacrifice for love. But instead she seems to not want to do anything unless there is an opportunity to

extract money from you. Your mother unfortunately is a user. And she has gotten away with it for an extremely long time so it has worked for her. And she likely doesn’t even know how to stop even if she wanted to, although I find that users are typically pretty manipulative people. Realistically you have three main options. Firstly, you can accept your mother and the way she is. Realistically, the likelihood of your mother changing is pretty minimal. So you can accept that she is money hungry and a bit of an opportunist (without necessarily agreeing with it) because you choose to have your mother in your life. Or you can call her out on her behavior and try and bring her awareness to it in the hopes she changes. Or you can decide that isn’t the type of person you want in your life and you can remove yourself from the situation. 

adamc
Community Member

Thank-you.

 

That very day, Dad was so angry that he refused to have dinner. The following day he said he wasn't hungry but I know him that when he is so down, he won't eat even though he could be starving.

 

That same night that he refused to have dinner, Mum came out and said "What have I done?" and that's one of her biggest problems. She never understands what she does hurts others.

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi adamC,

Your mother may not be aware of her behaviour or she may be aware of it and just flipping it around. I have known many manipulative people over the years (of which your mother sounds to be one) and they are very adept at getting what they want and turning around and denying it if confronted or twisting it so they are the victim. It’s unfortunate but the world is full of these people, and they don’t seem particularly willing to change. I tend to emotionally distance myself from these people as they usually only do something for you if there is something to be gained for them, not the kind of people I want in my life. If it was me, I would just call her out every time she behaves this way. Manipulative people hate being called out on their behavior and they are relying on the fact that everyone will just give in. Like I said, she may not change but at least she’ll know she’s not getting away with it.