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Moving on

Community Member

Hi all. My partner of 11 years left in January. We didn't have a great relationship for quite a few years. We have 2 kids together now 8 and 4. I had a 7 year old when we met. When he left he said he got his own place an hour away. I was glad because I just wanted him to go as it was affecting our kids. I was however worried about finances as he was the main income earner and I'm a low income worker. We only talked via text and we eventually decided on shared care 50/50. I applied for parenting payment and child support. This however took forever. I was in a financial mess. I thought he would be more supportive. I got a letter from the real estate saying the rent wasn't paid, he said he'd cover that. 2 weeks later our cars got repossessed that were in his name. I found out that he got a personal loan in 2012 and had the cars as an asset, without my knowledge and he hadn't been paying it off. In this time I find out he actually moved in with a woman and her 2 kids whom he met in September last year. He was now driving her old car and she got a new 7 seater car which he said later is her work car. So there I was no car, no money, 4 weeks rent to pay and in total disbelief as to what's happened. In February he would message me saying to come pick him and the kids up, there's been an incident with her kids. I said basically suck it up. He started messaging me saying he loves me, charming me which eventually lead to sleeping together. This went on for 2 months. I put a stop to it. It was affecting me so much. I hit rock bottom. I was so confused. I hated that I let him take advantage of me. I wanted him home even knowing it would never work. He was using me. I eventually told him I would tell his new girlfriend what's been happening. I had plenty of evidence. He started paying me back the debts he put me in. To shut me up lol. But it's helping. He is now also in a bad place regretting how he handled things. I'm forgiving but he needs to be accountable.

I'm doing really well now, but I want to meet with this woman who my kids are with half the time. I want to forgive and move on. I know this woman is a decent person. I think my kids will benefit from this knowing that we as adults are getting along. We don't have to hang out lol but at least it will be a start and no matter what's happened in the past we can move on and not have this hanging over our heads. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did it pan out? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you xx

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Welcome Brittles to the forum.

Thanks for sharing your story . You will find this is a caring supportive community.

I am glad you are moving on and want to the woman your children spen half their time with.

I know that when the adults can be civil to each other it helps the children.

My cousin has maintained a cordial friendship with her ex husband and his new wife since her children were small and they know have their own children . So he comes to all family events. The grandchildren know they have 8 grandparents.

My cousin said it takes effort but if you put the children first it is worth the effort.

You may have to set boundaries but I think the fact you want to met her is a good start.

Thanks again for sharing your story.Feel free topost as much as you like.