Moving interstate and feeling very stressed and sad.

[Roshelle]

About 7 months ago I began thinking about quitting my job as a chartered accountant (for which I had just qualified) and going back to university to study my passion, archeology. I saw a vocational psychologist, did various tests with her, spoke to my friends and family, spoke with friends who had done the same, went to open days in Sydney and in Canberra and eventually decided to enrol at the ANU in Canberra. I have been OK until now, mostly excited about starting this new life, and also realistic about the possibility of it not working out. This week, I've been I've been feeling sadder and sadder and more and more worried. I found booking a removalist very stressful because it is so expensive and I am just anxious about the moving process. I was overwhelmed when I started packing and it seemed like I couldn't finish in time for tomorrow morning when the removalist will come. I am lucky enough to have some good friends and with their help, I have managed to get most of it done. There are bits and pieces I need to do today, but I should be good to go tomorrow, but I feel like I'm forgetting something and something will go wrong. My other friends are coming over tomorrow morning to drive me to Canberra and help me a bit with unpacking, then driving back. I feel like I've already annoyed them, and I do need someone with me tomorrow. I've booked a cleaner in for Sunday, and then I have to hand my keys in to the real estate agent on Monday and then get a coach back to Canberra as there is an orientation event at uni at 4pm. I'm worried about all of the travel and turning up to uni looking dishevelled. I'm worried about not getting my bond back and having a bad rental history. I just feel very sad and lonely, and I want my friends to be with me but I've had so much help from them already.

[white knight]

Hi Roshelle, welcome

It's all quite normal really.

I recall 30 years ago I was having car trouble. What if its worn out?, what if I can get engine parts, what if....My friend who was checking out the engine for me identified with such anxiety.."whatever is wrong with it, its fixable, so relax". And I only relaxed when he said that.

We are moving also, selling up right now and moving 5 hours away. The anxiety is the same but having been in the RAAF and also moved countless times such experience has told me that I will settle within a few days of leaving.

As we get older we crave for a more settled location and "home". So when the time comes plan your short, medium and long term life and lifestyle. Make a home, home!

Some anxiety is normal. Pulling up stumps has anxiety attached to it. If you ever feel your anxiety is off the scales seek help firstly with your GP. Also google this

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

TonyWK

[Roshelle]

Thanks Tony. I just feel so sad and worried that I don't want to leave my bed (or mattress on the floor since the bed has been dismantled). I have to pack up a bit more, but I haven't the energy to get up and do it. And now I've just found out the removalist's truck has broken down so they won't be able to come early in the morning but sometimes before noon, which puts my friends out and they might not be able to come with me and I don't want to do this on my own. I've been feeling lonely and missing my sister (she passed away ten years ago) and my dad (he is an alcoholic and has been getting worse with time) and just wishing I wasn't all alone in life. I'm turning 30 in May, so I feel like I might be judged for not being able to handle everything myself.

[Tomd]

My Old Man would say: "Sounds like you like worrying. If you do, put aside an hour a day to do all your worrying then do something the rest of the day."

Nothing cures worry like getting rid of the thing that causes the worry.

Make a list of all the things you are worried about if you have time. Then cross off the things you can't do anything about right now. You can worry about them later if you like. Or not.

For example, there's nothing you can do about your relatives and friends, the removalist's truck, the bed and anything that you have already done. They are done; well and truely, and no matter how hard you worry they can't be undone. Nor can you prevent people from making judgments; good ones or bad.

There, that should shorten your list before you even start.

Have you got someone to be with you tomorrow? If so, no worries. If not, do it on your own. Who's going to know? Just you. And won't it be nice at the end of the day when you're done, tired, in a new place, with no bed, and you're still alive and well. That's when you sit down with a glass of chardonnay and some chocolate and tell yourself you knew you could do it.

When stuff goes wrong it means you thought you could see into the future as to how you wanted things to turn out. I assume you can't see into the future. Wishing doesn't help either or hoping or praying. Only doing stuff helps. If things don't quite go as planned, and they more than often don't, its just something else to keep you on your toes and figure out. You 30 years old. I barely remember being that age but I thought I could do anything. I have the scars to tell me I couldn't. I'm still here.

Now go pack a box or call a friend or have an early drink and let the world around you do as it does.

[Roshelle]

Thanks Tomd. My psychologist told me to do the same thing, set aside time to worry. My friends helped me from Saturday morning and, throughout the day and as the move went along, I felt a lot better. It was expensive and exhausting and I'm not all unpacked, but I managed and although I was still nervous about starting university, I felt like I could try. I am back at my flat in Sydney now, waiting for th cleaners and throwing out the bits and pieces that were left behind. And I feel so, so sad. I don't want to throw anything out but I have to, I can't carry it on the coach back to Canberra. I rang my dad and, thankfully he was sober and so it was nice to talk to him. He told me not to worry about money and that if I still wanted to try uni in Canberra to try but if I wasn't happy just to come back and whatever it takes we will sort it out. I'm feeling confused and just sad. I dunno I guess I just have to cry, and feel what I'm feeling, and put one foot in front of the other for the next few days or weeks or months and see if I turn a corner.

[Tomd]

...or years, Rochelle.

Being sad isn't a bad thing. It's just a thing, like anger, happy, confused and in love. All part of the human psych, so I be been told. You've grown attached to some things you don't want to part with. Trouble is, as you well know, attachment is temporary. For everything.

I have no idea where it came from but I don't get attached to anything, even people. It's probably the extreme opposite to your predicament but maybe you can meet me halfway. I chuck out anything I haven't used in 12 months, sometimes less. When I was 19 I left home with nothing but the clothes on my back and $140 in the bank. What a relief that was, leaving behind my parents and 7 brothers and sisters. My parents were lovely people but it just seemed the right thing to do at the time.

thats the way I've done it since. It's always the right thing to to at the time.

As for the outcome, the place I am now is the best possible outcome for what I have done. No regrets, no hoping for the future, no wishing it was some other way, no wanting people to be other than they are. Some days I think I might be the one that's Ok and everyone else is not.

[Roshelle]

Tomd I hope it doesn't take years! But I know from my own life experience it can. Lots of ups and downs. Sometimes I'm just too exhausted and don't want to go through it again. I've got a lot of long term issues, like my father's alcoholism, which are just there all the time and add to the sadness I feel.

I've always been attached to things, since I was little. My grandmother is the same. My father is different, he just throws things out. I wish I could be less attached to things, and I do try and have thrown out a lot of things, but sometimes it's just too hard. Especially my toys and things from when I was small. I have some stuffed animals, and they remind me of being a happy child and they are comforting when I am feeling sad. I also find it hard to through my sister's things out or give them away. I'm planning on sending them to Zambia because we used to live there and she loved it. I miss her a lot and that's hard to face, knowing I will never stop missing her and I will never see or speak to her again.

I'm now moved in to Canberra. Taking one day at a time and feeling better each day, to he honest. But still have low points. Trying to set small goals and do what needs to be done. I am sharing a flat with my friend's sister, and she is new to Canberra too so it's nice to have her around. I'm nervous though because I have never shared a home with anyone other than my family.