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Mother in law problems

Community Member

Hello Everyone,

My mother in law keeps calling my husband behind my back  and want us to get our 6 month old son Christened. Neither me, my husband or father in law are Christian’s, but my mother in law is a Christian herself and she got my husband Christened when he was a baby. As a mother, she chose to Christen her son when he as a baby,  against my father in law. But now she thinks my husband should decide whether our son should get Chritened or not.

For this reason, I’m scared to let her baby sit my son, because I think, she will secretly get him Christened. Even though, she has not offered us to baby sit my son when I return to work; She will baby sit him occasionally for a few hours if we want to do something together as a couple.
This is her only grandchild and she is a 65 year old retiree and lives in the same city as us.

4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


What a difficult situation you've found yourself to be in.


How does your husband feel about this pressure and the chance if your child is left with her she'll get his child Christened without both of your consent? 


I feel that the Christening of your husband so many years ago is not a factor, it is more a topic of respect for the parents wishes and now she is risking her relationship with you both and her joy of minding her grandchild alone. 


Do you feel boundaries are being breached? How firm is your husband in all this?



My husband firmly said no to her many times, but she keeps bringing up the topic to him. He is more concerned than me that she can’t be trusted to be baby sitting our son alone. 

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi RinaGreen


Do you feel if your husband was to get to the bottom of why she wants your son Christened things would become more understandable for everyone involved? Everyone has different reasons behind why they want a child christened. A few different reasons


  • For the sake of tradition, to some degree. I know plenty of non practicing Christians who have gotten married in the church. Whether it's a woman's wedding day or a baby's Christening day, both wear a long white gown and are celebrated during an after party/reception. It remains an enjoyable tradition for some
  • Out of pure fear. The long held belief that a person should be Christened in order to 'cleanse them of sins' and have them 'able to get into heaven' is something that drives a person to have a child Christened. The fear that a child will suffer if they don't have this ritual performed can be an intense obsessive driving force
  • Out of some sense of guilt or sense of failure. Whether your mother in law is in some way considering what her parents, friends or the church would think of her could be a factor, if she didn't see your little one Christened

Being an ex Catholic gal, I've been on both sides of the fence. While my kids are now 17 and 20, I pulled away from the church/Christian institution for a number of reasons, therefor my kids stopped pretty early when it came to making their way through the earlier part of the 7 sacraments/rituals. Even earlier and I probably wouldn't have had them Christened, much to the horror of those around me.


Maybe saying to your mother in law something like the following may make some difference to her, 'While I plan on raising a child who holds the qualities of Christ (compassion, open mindedness, a deep sense of consciousness, love and caring for others etc), I have no interest in having him involved in the rituals of the Christian institution. If he chooses this way when he's older, that becomes his choice'. Plenty of people are Christened as adults.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello RinaGreen, I'm sorry, but your mother in law (WIL) should have no say what's so ever, it's not a decision she is entitled to make, it's one you and your husband needs to make by yourselves.

I don't believe she can secretly get him baptised because the parents have to agree, never the less she needs to butt out.

I was baptised when young, but have been an antheist for such a long time, anyway just tell her 'no', it's not going to happen, it's your choice.


Life Member.