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Moral conflict

Community Member


I have been best friends with this guy since we were young kids and it’s been over 20 years of friendship, we have always had great profound love for one another and we were each other’s first loves. We have always talked on and off for our lives but the timing to start a serious relationship was always off.
My issue is that I have been dating a wonderful man for 3 years, we started dating less than a month after I got out of a very toxic relationship, it’s been a great relationship apart from feeling like I’m not ready to truely commit, I love him dearly but he’s addicted to work and I’m worried about moving in with him (bringing my two kids) and since the coronavirus restrictions started I haven’t seen him much at all but the feelings started before this, I’ve been trying to juggle kids and study plus this relationship that seems to be the same stuff all the time no maker how we trying to spice it up.bi truely love him but I’m concerned about taking that next step with someone that may not be compatible.
And I’ve recently started talking more with my childhood best friend again and it seems to me that this is another bad timing situation... I really want to be with my partner but there’s a huge pull to try and see if the childhood friend and I could have something more (something both of us want) but I’m so confused about what to do, it’s eating me inside and it’s becoming overwhelming, I honestly just want to throw my hands up and run from all my expectations as an adult.
please help I’m really not sure what I’m meant to be doing

3 Replies 3

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Beth27

I think you know deep down what the right thing to do is right now.

I think I know what you mean about "love" for each person. I found the book "The Road Less travelled" by M.Scott Peck a beautiful book about 'these' things. It helped clarify things a lot. An oldie but a goodie!

If I were you, feeling ambiguous about moving in with bf, then I wouldn't do it, no way. Having the kids, would cement that decision not to. If you're not very happy in that relationship before you move in together then moving in is not the best decision esp uprooting the kids too.
Tbh if only a short time not seeing bf has allowed deeper feelings for long time friend then there's your answer.

With so much on your plate atm; kids, work, study, I would just stay put. Finish what you've started studying and focus full on, on that. I reckon you'll see things a lot more clearly after you've finished your studies. It's empowering, and I believe, a necessary thing to be able to be independent.

A man doesn't "complete" us. In fact the wrong man can destroy us for a while 😉

You don't need either man with these feelings of indecision ruminating.

When in hesitation, wait. Plan YOUR future without a man involved atm. Get your path straight and the rest will come.

If your long time friend is married, I would drop that relationship way out of the romantic realm. Insecure men need affair partners. Their M.O. is to use women. I'd hate to think he's woodworming your current relationship.

If he's unattached atm then have the conversation with him about your goals. If he's supportive then you may have something real to build on.


Hi, welcome

I fully agree with the clarity of Evomamas reply


Community Member

Hi Beth27.

I couldn't help look over your post and the comments. I feel though that you are trying to fill something or a void within yourself. You have started that you are in a relationship with someone and that there some difficulties involved.

If we remove all the current distractions in your life and hone on the real reason - could it be that this childhood friend is now impacting on your daily living and your ability to focus on what you already have?

Could it be that since speaking to this childhood friend, that you have fallen into this cycle of questioning your future with your partner. Do you look at your partner and wounder or feel somewhat guilty of re-building a connection with this childhood friend?

Just food for thought - as much as the commenters have provided, is there something that [you] need to do to feel happier in your relationship?

Hopefully you see where I am going with this - make your own choices but know that you are the only one that can make yourself happy. 🙂