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Marriage breakdown

johnxx
Community Member

Hi All,

I really don’t know when to start, but I guess I join this site tonight hoping someone out there can listen without any judgements.

My wife and i was dating for 2 years and now marriage for just over a year, i guess the problem start shortly after we dated. We were so in love at the begining.

We were so in love at the beginning, she was everything I was looking for, beautiful smart independent woman with values that I loved. Things was going perfectly, both of us couldn’t believe we have found each other.

About 3 month into the relationship we hit our first major hurdle, I lost my job just before Christmas. I was devastated knowing that I wouldn’t be able to find another job until the holidays are over, and at this point I had only about few thousand dollar to my name. But not know when I can find a new job, trying to figure out how I’m going to pay me rent and utilities was least of my worries, more importantly I was worried that i’m going to lose this girl of my dream, I my mind all I can think about is she going to think I’m such a loser cant even afford rent and utilities. I guess in my mind I was the man and I need to provide for the people I care about. So for the next few weeks I just shut down completely and close myself of the her, this made her feel neglected and that I didn’t care about her (the funny is this was the complete opposite to what I was feeling inside, I love and care so much and I was so scared of losing her).

After the new year 2016 few and I decided to start our own company, I was really reluctant to ask my (wife now) that I need to borrow money for this new business as we not long into the relationship but to my surprise without any hesitation she gave me ten thousand dollars.

3 years later I now have an extremely successful business and financially we are able to do what we want. But once again I’m in the same position 3 years ago with my wife, i need to spend a lot of time and effort on the business and she once again feel im neglecting her. But this is the complete opposite of what I want for her and our family in the future, to me giving my family the financial freedom is what I feel is important.

1 Reply 1

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi John, thanks for posting your comment and the success to your thread has been good in one way and disappointing another way.

We won't make any judgement to you, just give you suggestions and/or help from our experience.

I have been in exactly the same position as you are now, and understand what you are saying and although I've had my own business this reply refers to being the manager in a large hotel with a staff of about 35 people.

In your own business, you never stop thinking of different ways to increase the ease the burden, make it presentable to the customers, have a good rapport with your employees, and the list goes on, but sometimes the best way to improve your business and reignite your passion is to take a vacation, that's what I didn't do, and should have done.

We always worry that the business won't survive if we aren't there, but if you can plan 2 weeks ahead for your orders, staff, let your customers know, that's very important, so if something doesn't suit them, they will cope, knowing you are taking a well deserved holiday with your family.

There's more to add to all of this.

When your holiday is over it's best to set aside a time per day, or a period of time per week where you can see your family.

There will always be some reason why you can't be with them, a problem in the business, an unhappy customer, an upset employee or a problem with an order, these can all be handled in an hour or so.

Try not to make these overtake you from seeing your family.

You are securing your family with the financial benefits of your business, you have done well, but if your wife is unhappy, then see if you can change your routine.

Perhaps you can book an appointment with your doctor and then consider marriage counselling.

Hope to hear back from you and I'm sorry my reply is so long.

Geoff.