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Marriage breakdown and your recovery

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Many friends and family members seem aghast at the news of your split. They are supportive at first then after a few days or weeks you do the chasing to keep that support going because your grief is ongoing. That is particularly difficult to overcome because your whole life has folded.

Relationship split and its severity depends on ones endurance. A split from a girlfriend/boyfriend you've dated for a few weeks can be more harsh on some that have been married for 20 years. There is no yardstick, no comparing individuals and their feelings. We should as outsiders treat them all seriously.

Having children with your estranged partner intensifies the grief and its prolonged. Issues like visitations, child support, education, communication, jealousy, finances and ongoing bitterness can test everyone, some more than others. So here is my thoughts based on 3 previous long term relationships (all over 7 years duration) and tips on how to recover.

  • The initial grief period. Allow yourself time and solitude, rest and recuperation. Visiting friends and family will find support but there is no real way to short cut the grief. Secure your accommodation, transport, temporary roster for access to children and if possible some basic means of communication with your estranged partner like email. Email/messages allows for you to think before replying.
  • It's ok to feel regret, revenge or failure. Just refuse to react to those intrusive thoughts. Maintain your values, be true to your character.
  • Once you feel you are beginning to overcome the grief your recovery will be accelerated with finding distractions. That can come with an adventurist attitude- camping, touring around, hobbies, sports...even dating.
  • Spontaneity. It's Friday and a weekend without your kids coming up. Book a hot air balloon flight, scuba diving, attend a model aircraft club...fill your weekend up.
  • Avoid potential actions that hinder your recovery. Gambling and alcohol consumption come to mind.
  • Soul searching. The advantage of splitting with a partner is taking the time to seek out your true self. I did this with watching YouTube videos of - Maharaji prem rawat. Google him and seek out videos of "sunset", "the perfect instrument" and many others. Bathe your spirit, elevate your pride
  • Finally, mental self care. A visit to your GP, a phone call to Dads in Distress DIDS or reaching out to this forum. Rebuild self esteem lost and recover. There is a future worth pursuing.
  • Post for discussion


3 Replies 3

Community Member

Great thoughts and advice Tony , been through it myself and l know what a shortage of things and help out there , and attitudes, there is for men in this too.

Great stuff and thanks as always.


Hi RX, I quite agree it's a good thread Tony, the only problem is that people don't take stock of the situation until it's too late.

I've been through it and only wished I had a chance to rectify it before I lost the chance.

Best wishes.


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Yes Randomx

Very lottle help out there for men, but we tend not to seek it either.

Congratulations on approaching 1000 posts

Geoff, not many people dont have regrets and if they dont they dont reflect on themselves I think.