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Making sense of life and love!

Community Member

Hi, I'm New on this site. I have already read some interesting articles of individuals suffering which moved me.

I would like to share some of my story and also provide encouragment to help others avoid or cope with the same issues as I experienced.

It was my first experience with my first love, it's been a year now since our break up after 18 months and I still miss her. Anyway looking back I noticed lots of warning signs of immaturity from this girl and my instinct told me, stay away, anyway my heart got involved and we fell in love. By the way, I'm 35 and live in Perth. Due to the girl living in Canada where I spent two years it became to difficult to maintain a relationship. My girl said she really wanted to continue the relationship so after returning to Australia, I worked and than returned to Canada, only to find my girlfriend didn't want to continue the relationship because of trivial reasons. So I returned to Australia and felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown, so much pain and counseling didn't help much. A year in the future and I'm still finding hard to cope, especially with no job, friends moved away and a emotional wreck. I don't trust many people at the moment. If you have any advice on how I can move on in a positive way, please reply.

So please, if your gut tells you something isn't right, listen and run, it saves so much pain. There are many good people out there who want a healthy, living, committed relationship.

Now, I'm studying to be a Community Support Worker and taking each day as it comes. Life does go on.

Thanks for reading.

Any advice would be appreciated.

7 Replies 7

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Touille, it's always sad when one person doesn't want to continue on with the relationship, they may give you a reason, but it may not sit comfortably for you and wonder what has gone wrong, and why all of a sudden it's happened and it doesn't matter whether it's your first love or one of numerous loves, but there is no doubt that a first love does make it much harder.
Love works in so many different ways where it normally starts by admiring their appearance and how they look, probably the strongest attraction, but as you begin to find out what they like or dislike maybe put on hold because the attraction of them takes over so you're willing to forego their faults because love begins.
The reasons she has given you may seem to be immature or even trivial but to her they are geniune, but this doesn't make it any easier for you, which it never does, especially when it's your first true love.
The easiest answer is to find another person to love, however I understand that this may not be possible at times especially when you aren't feeling well, so are there any social groups that you could join so that you can start to feel better.
Sometimes it does take a little extra bit of strength to make yourself go out and do this, because as soon as you can then all of these sad feelings will go away, even just by being able to talk to someone else, you may have to force yourself but the end results will come through.
If you feel as though you need to go and see your doctor then I would suggest it would be a great idea, but I want to congratulate you for wanting to become a Community Support Worker, a greatservice you would provide. Geoff.

Community Member

Hi Geoff

Thanks for your advice. I have started to socialise a little again, but also find it hard around crowds. I'm normally a outgoing person who enjoys being around many people.

I think I do need to see a doctor as you said so I can get back in full control of my life. I'm sure I will find love again without the major drama.

Thanks again.​

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Touille,

wow, you put so much effort into your relationship, going overseas, only to find it wasn't reciprocated. I'm sorry you had to go through this. I'm assuming you are not in contact anymore? If you were I think it would just make it harder to move on.

its alwYs hard to start socialising again, especially when your heart is still in another place. I think only you can decide how long it will take you to overcome your hurt and how you are feeling. It's great that you have started socialising again. Baby steps, you control the pace. Do you have any hobbies or are you a member of any clubs ie sporting clubs etc? This may be a wYbto get out and socialise in a smaller group environment until you are ready for the bigger crowds.

i like to be around people (sometimes) but I don't like crowds. The regulars I see at my local cafe or when I'm out shopping are enough for me 🙂

i hope you feel better soon. Remember to do it at your pace, take the time you need until you are ready.

cmf x

Community Member

Hi Cmf,

Thanks for your supportive message. No, I'm not in contact with my ex girlfriend, I decided to block all contact from her.

I do go to church, play basketball and socialise when I can. It is hard around crowds at the moment, I prefer small groups despite normally enjoying crowds when I'm my old self, hope I can be someday again.

I agree with you when you say, baby steps, I'm actually forcing myself to chat to women I know from the pass in general so I don't become bitter. I have learnt a lot about myself and future partner requirements.

Time will heal me and make me wiser.

Thanks again.


Hi Touille

What an informative post...well written and good on you.

I grew up in Ontario CA.

You have given so much Touille. You are a kind soul and deserve so much more than being treated like this.

You have already helped so many people by posting what you have been through....a very rocky road. Approx 60% of the hits to Beyond Blue are from people that choose only to read the posts.....yours...mine...all of them...

If I can quote something you said that would benefit so many ;

Touille Said: "So please, if your gut tells you something isn't right, listen and run,
it saves so much pain. There are many good people out there who want a
healthy, living, committed relationship"

Your advice and post is greatly appreciated. I do feel your pain where having a wrecked heart is concerned

You are not on you own here

my kindest thoughts for you


Community Member

Hi Paul,

I'm happy to see your message.

Oh great, I lived in Niagra falls, Toronto, Belleville and Napanee when I live in Ontario, I also lived in other places in the west of Canada.It's great to hear from a Canadian on here. I have great memories of living in Canada 🙂

Thanks for your encouraging words, I'm glad I can be supportive to other people on BB, I have learnt some good lessons and don't want people to experience what I did ​if they can avoid it.

There are people in worse situations than me on BB, it's great they can find comfort to support them during their darkest moments.

Thanks for your message.

Take Care and keeping encouraging people with your posts like I noticed you have.


Hey Touille

Thankyou for posting back and your encouragement too 🙂

You will make an excellent Community Support Worker, what a great choice you have made.

I was born in Cooma NSW and moved to Niagara Falls, small world!

Some of the people posting on the forums actually make me feel fortunate only to have depression..you have made a great point even though having a damaged heart can be just as life destroying.

I hope your week is good to you:-)