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Low self esteem issue because of relationships

Community Member


I have trouble with the way I look. I was ok with the way I look and accepted the way I am. I am not materialistic and I am proud of that. When I started to date my ex he accepted the way I am, said I am beautiful

everyday and like the way I dressed. He also said that he felt bad to look at other girls. I didn’t much of it because everyone check out pretty girls no matter what but I took his word a anyways. Overtime he started to check out other girls in front of me and then he said to me “those bitches dress really slutty, but I like to look at them”. I thought it was terrible he then told me to dress sexier and told me he like all types of girls. We had a fight about this and I said I can’t changd the way I am. He said fine but once in a while he said the same thing. I felt I wasn’t enough to the point that I couldn’t watch a movie with him if there is a attractive girl or go outside without feeling self conscious and comparing myself with attractive girls.

He also said other things like “I am just window shopping” (referring to girls) etc.

now we are not together anymore but I still feel very self conscious and compare myself. Especially, when I’m dating someone else I feel like they are doing the same thing but of course I’m not sure. i told my date this now o feel scared and vurnerable.

What can I do to over come this because it’s effecting my dating life but in general.

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Lilop~

I guess most people find fault wiht part of themselves -even if it is not deserved, and it can be hard to be 'comfortable in one's own skin'. It's a human vulnerability.

From what you said you did sound reasonably comfortable wiht oyurself, however that has been eroded by one insensitive person who acted in a thoughtless and downright rude manner over a long time, not just a single incident. He has no business talking of 'window-shopping', just htat alone is a hurtful put-down.

Sadly he has left you feeling less of an attractive person and more self-conscious.

That's a hard thing to remedy. The ideal situation is to be with someone that cares for you enough to consistently want you to feel happy. Over time you will feel better, becuse you will see your worth in their eyes and behavior. No doubt you will give care to them too.

This is not some dreamer talking hopeful and unrealistic ideas. I've been lucky enough to have had two such partners in a long life, and I'm no oil-painting but have always been made to feel good. Even in arguments we have a rule never to say anything deeply hurtful.

It really is no big effort to cherish another, becuse it is part of love. You simply have not been lucky enough to find someone that loves you as yet. When you do it will work out.

In the meantime do you think you might try to do things that give you feelings of accomplishment and pride, even if not connected to dating or looks?