Lost, confused and heartbroken after husbands affair

[To_Old_For_This]

Hi all, I'm new here. I'm not one to air my dirty laundry in this kind of forum but I have zero support and need some outside perspective.

After 10 years of marriage, 15 years in the relationship I had my world turned upside down by infidelity. Not just a fleeting affair, but it turned out my husband had been seeing a woman from his work for sex for 8 years!!
We (I thought) had a pretty good, normal life. When I found out, he promised to stop and break all contact. He moved jobs and we have since moved town. I have had to quit my job of 10 years. I have fallen apart. My family have abandoned me because they see it as me being in the wrong (They have very strong religious beliefs).
For his part he has been very supportive of what I want. However he says he stopped loving and caring for me, throughout those years and figured I would always be there when his 'fun' with 'her' was over. He tells me he loves me now and is extremely remorseful. We have spent hours fighting and crying. It's been many months and things for me, just seem to get worse. I feel deeply depressed. I am seeing a psychologist, but its like once every 6 weeks.
I don't know where to turn. I don't have any financial backing and currently don't feel I can work (due to my mental state). I have zero support, other than him.
I love him, but I'm not sure if I can deal with all this information. The more I learn about his past feelings for me, the more disgusted I feel. I don't understand how he could treat me this way. He was a master of disguise. I am not an idiot, how could I be so fooled?
Leaving doesn't feel like a viable option. But how do I deal with this?
He promises from now on to be the best partner he can possibly be, but how do I trust him? And worse...how do I trust myself?

I have been left with nob confidence, I feel everything I have ever worked for both within and outside of my marriage is destroyed. I am struggling to see a way forward. I don't know what to do.

[Lost4eva]

Dear To Old For This,

I share your pain. I am in a similar situation after 25 years of marriage and 30 years in our relationship, I discovered infidelity of 2 years duration. I have also been 'stalked' by this person, as have our children and their friends etc. It has been terrible...

I would like to support my husband who has made exceptionally poor decisions, but he acknowledges them now, which helps a little.

The hurt however, is hard to get over. The loss of trust and as you mentioned, the people around you who know and just in the end, make it all worse. I also feel very alone - hiding this secret and absorbing this pain - because I don't want the world to know. I don't want to lose any more friends because of this thing my husband has done.

I had to resign from work because I just couldn't concentrate. I feel like I lost myself - my entire being was just blown away by this totally unexpected infidelity.

It is now one year later … and we are still together. Some days are better than others. The hurt is still there and it is still raw, but on the positive, I feel we have a better level of communication in our relationship than previously. That has to be a good thing.

I have lost friendships and have withdrawn from many things. But now I am a tiny bit more 'together' and have started to wonder who I am? What do I want to do? I no longer consider myself only a wife, a mother, a daughter … I am also me - and I need to figure out what I want. It is fun but also scary!

I felt compelled to join this forum just to respond to your post because I really feel for you and wish you the best. Please understand that there are good and bad days. Obviously today for me is a little down, so I was searching for help - and I found it with your post. Thank you. I hope my response helps you a little too.

Take care.

[To_Old_For_This]

Thank you Lost4eva,
Whilst I wish no one ever had to go through this pain, it does help to know I am not alone and the feelings I have are somewhat normal in this situation.

I have only this week, lost another long term friendship over this. A friend of more than 10 years who befriended a man and became the other woman. She felt it was quite okay to tell me how rejected she felt when he returned to his relationship.

Why can people not see how destructive extra-marital affairs are? No one wins. Not in the long run.

I am so glad to read that your life is getting back on track. I hope that I can be saying the same in the not too distant future.

Thank you so much for sharing. All the very best wishes to you.