Loneliness... What choices are there?

[demonblaster]

Loneliness is one of the cruelest underestimated places to be in life. Most of us need people.

This is all too common & wayyyy too many suffer this.

What's out there to help people?

Forums is a good place for many that are shy or depressed and not comfortable face on.

Excercising outside, amongst people, eye contact often connects a smile with people. Lifting

Here & assuming other places in Oz there's through community centres volunteers that visit, take shopping, talk, listen etc or phone calls weekly. (GP would know more)

Public transporting, around people, even if not engaged in convo, still amongst it

Interested hearing suggests

This shouldn't be

[white knight]

Hi all.

Everytime Ive ended up alone Ive got relief from leaving the woman I lived with. Then a few weeks later the lonliness comes.

Im lucky, I married my best friend 6 years ago. But had we not got together I doubt I would have wanted another partner.

However, I would have been lonely.

There is no easy fix. If I was in that solitary situation Id rather be on my own than join clubs.

I would need personal satisfaction. Id collect and cut wood for the elderly once I have cut enough for myself. Sit and chat with these older folk over a cuppa. A friend advised me to join the Lions club to do the same. Nope, this knight rides solo.

Its lonely on your own but the alternative of being amongst people can be worse. Choosing the right company is the only answer.

Tony WK

Tony WK

[demonblaster]

Hey all reading & will be back

Thx for input.

All opinions & situations valid

The more we talk the more we learn & might make a difference to someone

[Guest_1584]

Yeah they are Ulys l've always known that.

Not that l hang out with academics nothing in common with them but most of my family are highly educated and it's a huge family so l just grew up around all of them and their friends.

Hey db , hope your traveling ok.

Well l worked all wkend and because l work from home and live alone mostly , if l don't go anywhere l usually see no one.

Usually though l at least go up the shops or over to one of the other towns most wk days at lunchtime or just to get stuff , just to be around some people for awhile.

This arvo when l finished, came in had a few wines watched some telly then went to bed for awhile and mess about on the computer,.

Got invited out for tea last night, sat night , couldn't go though but if l don't make some effort l could easily just be home on my own living life and doing my thing and the whole world would be non wiser l'm even here.

l giess that would be the way for a lot of people that live alone unless they make an effort or are the friendy types. me l sirta prefer goin to peoples place than them here. Don;t mind them dropping in but not too often and not stay too long .l'm more of a partner person than a friend person .

after my divorce l met someone and we've been together a few yrs but that hasn't worked out and now it's me myself l for now , my daughter comes and goes a bit or one or two drop in now and then but that's about it.

l've thought a lot about being alone in this last 5yrs since ex w and l split. and now here l am again. l really enjoy getting out to different towns around me or going somewhere in general , but ;l'm not really sure what to do about the loneliness at home. Bit awkward when you don't really like people hangin round too much and not really feeling like it anyway just splitting with gf and all either.

But it's a weird time in life to realize you don't really have any hobbies that involve other people or many friends .

l feel as if l don;t get out and do something l'll just exist alone. But l don;t really feel like doing much.

Probably all thoughts a lot of people have living alone. l'd be interested to hear others thoughts .

[Ggrand]

Hello Randomx, DB! WK, and everyone,

What you said in your post, Yeah, you are so living my life, I like what you wrote ....."I could easily just be at home on my own living life and doing my thing and the whole world would be non wiser" such an extremely sad comment, that speaks volumes.

Living alone is okay, I do my thing, I don't go out because of chronic anxiety, like you Randomx, I have no hobbies that involves other people or friends,

Vinnies, had there Christmas Party last week, I could have gone, but and with "anxiety" there is always a but, you can always find some excuse not to go.

Randomx, I will agree it is hard to go out and do things especially when we are feeling sad and or depressed. I used to play darts, bingo, with some ladies from town, until I became sick with MH. Now, I just stay at home.

Imo....loneliness, isn't really acknowledged or thought about until we are, sad or depressed, with MH problems.

Kind thoughts GG.

[demonblaster]

Hi all

Reading all posts, thanks for discussion and input

Will bbl

[Sad_Mushroom]

Morning all,

I still volunteer 3 days a week (because I have to). Doctor doesn't like me removing myself from the world. I like where I'm volunteering now as I stay out the back, loading the truck etc and everyone else is inside, so I only really talk to a few people in short bursts. Other than those 3 days I hardly leave the house unless I go out to the property and sit inside another house...LOL

I walk a lot but usually early in the mornings or later at night. Of a day I like going to old cemeteries. I photograph and transcribe headstones, especially the really old ones which are broken or worn away. I get worried that in a few years they'll be ruined and family members will never have the chance to see them. (I guess it's a 'leftover' of the OCD). I find it calming and kind of 'eternal' reading the old headstones. Thinking of who those people were and what they did when they were alive. It's different looking at old headstones from 1840's etc rather than the newer ones.

Nostalgic (that's the word I was thinking of)

SM

[white knight]

Hi DB,

Ive been pondering "lineliness" for a while. Not that I have any, I'm happily married and all the company I could wish for

So what is the real solid answer?

I think we can dance around this topic so...meeting someone is the answer. If we met someone so that that person filled the void -In the capacity by which makes us happy then we have succeeded.

That "capacity" could be- casual friend to marriage and anything in between. I have an old AirForce mate that dines with his "girlfriend " every Friday night and go out on weekends but dont see each other during the week when she is often minding her grandchildren after school.

The hard reality is, any relationship outside the above are patching up loneliness. Friends, light sports, hobbies and clubs are great but will not fulfill the intimacy of a caring loving relationship imo.

What do you all think?

Tony WK

[Guest_1584]

Ahh grands,yeah , welll hear ya. 0

l dunno.l just have no interest in people in general especially lately. l'm depressed as hell and just have too much goin on to bother.

l guess two yrs with my girl as it was 70% of the time long distance has also had a huge impact onme because that 70% was in our our beautiful little private bubble of skype an what's app an phoning,saw no one else in our two years , no one else could even come close to our bubble.

so l guess in a way that made my situation and me even worse now .And we were so alike that we both got even worse with outsiders.But oh well,so be it. twas worth it.

Eh wn , yeah ,l'm a partner person and that's my void l guess.Maybe l'm lucky enough to meet someone new when l feel a bit better,God only knows. As my dear friend says though ,l don't just like any apple ,it has to be that one very very special piece of fruit that l really want.

[demonblaster]

Hey Uly soz it's taken an age to get back but finally made it 🙂 Did read and thumbs up

Thanks for dropping in too

Ulysses said: Social gatherings always ended up with me being too chatty/loud or something like that"
Ughh caps lock, yeah I tend to be similar in most outings but I think there's as you mentioned more quiet or introverted people overall (could be wrong just my observations) so if everyone was quiet it'd be pretty boring, (lol no offense to anyone honestly)

Other day put on a table tennis Xmas party, and most know eachother but in the social sitting down part I was as you & maybe 1 other & another didn't start convo but continued which was good. Phew they kinda relaxed more after I did the meeting but thought oh oh, but also it's not up to me to have a good time by myself, it's up to individuals to enjoy & try and relax.

Possibly shyness, self-consciousness, how people have been treated by others affect their behavior & some are just quiet.

What a lot of people don't realize is when we're extroverts & talkers, we put our personalities out there and don't the beepers come out of the woodwork to have a go. I stand by I think 75+ % people are good & do care as in don't want to hurt but it's the other lot that really don't give a hoot aye.
Mostly I get on very well with people.

Anyway point is if we weren't how we are..... lol.... dunno I sometimes not always tho, have trouble with silence, lived in 3 nurses homes and when it was silent it was horrible, there was an air of thick miserable friction I guess
There can be awkward silence sometimes so as much as people or a lot are intolerant of talkers, we have our uses 🙂

[demonblaster]

Hi Krystal sorry too long time reply thanks for coming in 🙂

krystalramone said:

loneliness is something I struggle with constantly due to anxiety/depression.
My current medical support network have suggested me to do some group activities and or volunteering.People I can relate to, trust and just generally hang out when I'm having a rough time.

Yes I imagine anxiety would make it very difficult because you'd get worked up & tense before going out? Nervous?
I don't know if you've seen any of the anxiety threads around, there could be some helpful coping strats in those.

I think you hit the nail on the head re trusting someone, absolutely, and also could help if you connect with someone that understands both issues although I've heard here the convo's at times only about that but if someone understands it's easier to be around them or a new friend if we talk to people about our stuff, although again some back off or pffttt but it's also a good way of sifting out who you want to be around. If they have a negative reaction..

The people we need in our lives are one's we trust as you said and feel comfortable around, if so they're not judging, telling what to do or criticizing. I think they're the 3 things most don't like. It's often said the ones like that it's their problems they're projecting but doesn't make it any easier being a target.

Krystal said.. "I keep backing out, as my anxiety begins negative talk. I want to make friends and be more social like I used to be back home. "

Did you have the depression/anxiety then Krystal?
Easy for me to say I know, but loneliness is cruel (I'm ok btw thanks though, just for a partner) I suggest keep looking at options and even if to start you maybe able to do phone calls, or internet first

Tc (take care)