Loneliness and how do I deal with it?

[_kj]

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do

I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough

I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been pretty mediocre and I can never keep the ones I do manage to make

People say friendships happen when you’re not looking for them. So when someone initiated a friendship with me recently, I felt really hopeful.

But they don’t actually give me the time of day. We talk, but only if I reach out first. They put in no effort at all.

The mental stress of trying to navigate this ‘friendship’ makes me unwell. So I try to step away, but I think about it daily. It’s really affected my self esteem, and left me feeling not good enough.

I’ve never been in a relationship, or on a date. I’ve been asked on dates before, but I’m too scared. I’d prefer to get to know someone first, but if you don’t immediately go on dates, they lose interest

I joined a club months ago, where I also do volunteer work. It makes me feel ok when I’m there, but then I just feel lonely again when I leave. Nobody seems to want to know me outside of that environment

I try to be myself, but myself is socially anxious, shy, and introverted. And people don’t seem to understand that, or have the patience for it

It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle of being myself but it isn’t enough 

So I give more than what is myself, but it comes off as fake

I’m constantly told to not let other people define my worth, that I don’t need other people to make me feel good, or I don’t need a relationship to be happy. 

But the people that say that are in relationships, they have friends. They have people that love and care about them  

It just gets really frustrating. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I’ve never felt lonely like this before.

It’s like I’m balancing between remaining hopeful or just flat out giving up

I’d love some advice or stories of other people overcoming situations like this. Because it feels like it will be this way forever.