Logic says there's a way ahead but I can't see it

[a_dad]

I have had too leave my home , too much fighting. I have 4 kids and one of them has been screaming she misses daddy and her world is ending , it's killing me. My wife must be close to breakdown too as the kids aren't sleeping. It's not that I don't love her , I am very worried about her but we are destroying each other emotionally

its exhausting even writing this

have

I destroyed her world by leaving the house ? I still see them most days of the week after I finish work at 2pm and leave when she comes home at 7 , I have a good time with them and they seem happy when I am about but my 7 yr old is hurting badly when I am not there. I am ripped apart , if I return to the home it will be a future of unhappiness , my wife and I cannot see past each other's weaknesses.

in the past I've

suffered from anxiety but not depression but I am finding hard to see past today let alone make plans for the next few weeks , I just see a wall, I am paralysed and I have no home anymore

i am riddled with guilt but I couldn't bear the fighting anymore and neither could she but the guilt undermines any brief happiness I stumble across accidentally each day.

i used to not notice the clock tick but I hear every second now

i am planning on finding a  room to rent close by as I can't afford anything more but the gulf back to normality seems so vast.

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[White_Rose]

Hello Dad

Thank you for writing here and welcome. Your situation is so unhappy for both you and your wife. I feel for all of your family at this time.

Can you tell us if you have taken any steps to resolve the situation, other than living elsewhere?  I understand you are exhausted and I imagine going to work and then looking after the children is about as much as you feel up to every day.

What about a visit to your doctor? He/she can point you to an appropriate counsellor or psychologist who can help. Or perhaps the doctor can assist you. I don't know how you feel about this sort of assistance, but you have some understanding of what is going amiss with you and your wife. Why not try to build on this to repair your relationship?

Of course you may already have tried this, but is it worth trying again? You sound in a bad place at the moment. To get some immediate help you could phone Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. It's a 24/7 help line. The staff there can give you some information and support at this time.

Guilt is very hard to bear. It becomes all-pervasive and as you say, paralyses you. At the risk of sounding trite, the hardest step is always the first. But it truly is worthwhile to make it. Not that the road back is easy but once you have started you are one step closer to the end.

Please come back and tell us how you are going.

Regards

LING

[AGrace]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums a dad. 

I'm going to put this question to you, is there a room you can stay in at your old home?  If so, I suggest you stay there. You and your wife don't need you running away in less than suffice circumstances, you both need help. 

Why am I being so blunt? Because it's evident that you love each other. You're both hurting one another because you seem to have forgotten how to communicate effectively. You both have flaws (no one is perfect), you both have wants and needs. 

Have you both tried marriage counselling before? If not I'd suggest a visit to your GP so you can get a referral. 

Do you both have family/friends who can help with the children? Then perhaps use these people so that you and your wife can talk and reconnect with one another. 

What sort of treatment are you getting at the moment for your anxiety? 

As I mentioned I know I've been blunt, but you will regret not putting every bit of effort into getting well and keeping your family together

Hope to hear more from you. 

AGrace

[pete29]

Hi dad, you sound like me except I only have one child.  My daughter was sick of hearing the  arguments but my ex decided to cheat on me splitting up our household and breaking my heart as even today as much as I hate hef I still love her.  My daughter wanted to live with me as she knows what her mother did, and prefers my style of parenting. This may have been a life saver, but creates its own stress also.  All I have concentrated on is finding ways to make this work for my daughter, and have kept my attention on that.  The trouble is it does not address my needs and we must be carefull about that.

Also while you feel you want to remain a family, make the effort to get counselling before it is too late to help.  You dont want to end like me without giving it a real try.

Good luck mate