living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Lillylane]

Hey RX

I’m sorry it’s been a painful time of acceptance (about GF). And it can take a while to process it all in the mind and in the heart.

Good to hear of your daughter’s progress. You’re right to trust your parental instincts!

My little daughters help me stay grounded when life seems so messy.

[Guest_1584]

Ahh tankya em.

Yep , l'm afraid your right , l've given up about 10times in the last 2 wks alone but give it one more , next day , bang here it all is again, same ol same ol day in and out mth in and out, had it.

l just don't get it either. l know she's going through very big crap , but you've been there and so have l . She's had me by her side right through it all , emotionally, financially, physically , in every way possible , no l haven't handed over much money but the back ups been there mentally is all l'm saying, and when she's here we've had just beautiful time times , many . But still it just all didn't happen. Seems to get more joy out of misery . Sounds like you know all about it.

And thanks for that info too , very appreciated bc l dunno , it just hasn't sat with me. Normally and l mean all 19yrs prior , she's one of the most stable intelligent common sense people l've ever known , more in one hand than most 50yr olds l know tbh. That diagnoses just seemed rushed and too willing to get something pigeon holed l dunno, it's just never added up to me. But l'm not the shrink so l've held my tongue and just tried to give it time. Even my d's said though 1/2 a dozen times , l don't think l'm bi polar dad it doesn't make sense. l know they can be in denial but this seems more than that and it doesn't to me either.

Anyway , she's come a long way , won't say too much not wise right now but yeah , we're hoping .

Take care. rx

[geoff]

Hello RX and to your daughter as well, another way of looking at a glass half full or half empty is that it's impossible to fill a bucket with water if it's got a hole in it, in other words, you just can't keep giving if nothing is going to eventuate from it, because if you keep trying, all you do is face another brick wall.

You can understand if that's your choice, but you can't be dragged down in the quicksand, because there is no footing to stand on, and remember you can't forget any problems that you're trying to push aside for someone else who's in another state and with the possibility of not seeing her again, depending on circumstances.

I'm sorry RX.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that geoff.

You nailed it that's exactly what it's like trying to fill up a bucket with a big hole in the bottom. The second l stop it all runs out and it's empty again. lt's never ending, more water and energy constantly needed it seems and if l stop to rest for a second, it's empty again. ldk why she insists on being that way , it's so damn draining and there are sooo many goods , even with her troubles . But she was still the same anyway , even without her troubles, sometimes l think she's lost without troubles and has to make some.Some people just thrive on drama.

The thing about being separated right now is that even in that too , even when we aren't and together here , she's still the same . Things can be beautiful , we have so much together it's near impossible to find especially at this age it's a gift , and one that def' doesn't grow on trees , even with all her problems on the sideline. But she just refuses to physiologically acknowledge and enjoy them , even though she'll often light up like a Christmas tree sometimes saying how happy she is- an hour later it didn't happen and she's found more misery to talk about. she does it with everything , even tells you how much she hates gardening , but l've never seen a person spend hours out there just off in her own world and just so totally at peace and involved , it's really beautiful to watch. But then she hates it, she's like that with everything , loves dancing round the house to music and she's so happy , does it all the time, next day she tells ya hates it , l couldn't even find the words for so many things but it's always in denial after the fact, it's bizarre and exhausting.

rx

[geoff]

Hello RX, I understand exactly what you are saying, it's like the moment she is happy, you are just waiting for her to change personality, not much of a consistent life for you, because you don't know how she will be or how she will react to, in any situation, and although she may be great at times, what's her strongest point, the positives or do the negatives affect you more and make you so uncertain of what's going to happen next.

I can't tell you what to do RX, because this wouldn't be ethical and I don't want to upset you in any way, and don't know if you know the meaning of 'caught between the sandwich and the burger', the difference between a burger and a sandwich is that the burger contains a hot element.

Take care Mate.

Geoff.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks as always Geoff , thoughts always appreciate and no worries at all. l'm just here bouncing the stuff around in my usual fashion until something makes sense.

At any rate , decided over the wkend l wanna take a wk or two out , and maybe it makes her think a little too and see a few things.She's not the sort to go on good behavior just to patch things up if she does it's usually genuine and bc she finally twigs about something, we see . Maybe some time will help her and me get our bearings.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

Sorry to hear things are going the way they are. I understand enjoying not having to answer to anyone & doing as you please but yeah, that wears off when you have a partner & it goes on too long. 4 months, gees, long stint.

Hope there is some light at the end, or that you can decide the best thing to do.

Take care

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm , l was just dropping in for some more rant so it was nice to see ya.

That light is very frustrating look when she's here and we're together it's nowhere near as bad she's actually really bright and happy most of the time even talks about it all the time too, but it's more like an every few days later though, she'll just drop some bomb of negativity. l like to think it'd pass in time together though as we always know we'll be separated again when she's going back and what she'll be going through when she does go back. Maybe if she can get through all that and it's all over with peace in her life again , it's been so long for her poor soul , maybe she;ll allow herself to enjoy some happiness, is my hope.

On another note though she is not in good shape at all and we're the last thing she has head space to have to worry about right now. There's so much going on for her things have happened it's sickening. And to top it off , something's happened between her ,her son and his w too and it's just taring her up so badly , l've never seen her like this. And her anxiety is so bad she's not even sleeping and she can't cope in good times without sleep but right now, man it's all as scary as hell.

Thank God she does have some free sessions with a psychiatrist and chancellors though l'm just praying they;ll be able to keep her together.

rx

[CMF]

Wow, that's full on.

I can understand why it's so hard for you. Wish I had some suggestions but I'm at a loss. I really hope something gets sorted soon.

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hell yeah , it is.

This last wk there's been such a turn of events for her, l really don't know.

Anyway l've done more than l can in support, way more , l've gotta let it ride now for a few wks on anything us she can't deal with more right now. we'll go on the back burner for awhile and hopefully it helps her mental space to cope at her end better.

Thanks cm , hope your sitch is lookin up. rx