living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Thanks cm yeah , we reckon.

lt's one thing having break talks but it just doesn't wanna happen nor do we seem to wanna let it which is a really nice thing. lt's been feeling like we need to work it out, be patient, we still couldn't even imagine anyone else. She says she'd understand if l went of and had some fun most guys would after all this but l don't tick like that.

Anyway we called today God almighty ldk , every time l talk to that girl on the phone it just floods back for both of us. Don't think l've ever felt just so comfortable and at home talking to a women she's such a cool little cucumber.Pain sometimes but a very cool one.

We're exited about the new plan though , wants to know if l could come up right now butttt, no can do. Been a bad boy spent way to much money gotta go back to work for a few mths first damn it.Wouldn't be bad though escaping this Arctic blast for awhile that's for sure. Thing has been though and more and more obvious being that we both just need to be together again before anything else. l can't commit to her just dropping everything and moving back here like this yet and neither can she and l don't blame her . lt's becoming pretty clear though that we both just wanna get us back underway and if all is well then we'll be going for it.

Thanks to brother whom has really inspired me. Even she says well if we have to do part time until she finishes then so be it, feeling it too. Can't wait to go up again though and we see. Unfortunately it's me this time though and that'll still be a few mths away now.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Mind you , a wk or two later andddd. lgk in person especially when she's just here at mine and in everyday life here, she's that damn acute remembers any and every minute detail from today or yrs ago about anything and everything. Every time she goes back up there though and add into that 10folded this time bc it's been so long with she has so much going on plus her son and his baby, she just starts spinning.

lt's just really hard to trust. Especially as it's all long distance and messaging with translation problems left and right, there's none of that in person here she just totally destabilizes when she's up there.

ldk, this was all why l thought just having that break until she's done was best move , just can't make or rely on any plans with her like this there. Can't really rely on anything she says either bc she's either mixed up the translation and a wk later that meant the complete opposite , or she's doing 180s and coming out with completely different ideas.. She's not like that in person at all. Trouble is for me it's been all this time and it's gonna be more. ldk. !!!

rx

[Guest_1584]

l dunno how this girl does it, well women really but if you saw her she only looks late 20s 30ish.

Anywayyyy, every damn time l'm starting to wander or having doubts or just thinking nope this is getting too silly, she just somehow and l dk how but just manages to turn it all around . No wonder l can't make a decision, l wish swearing was bloody permitted here. Probably bc we talked on the phone today, that'll do it every time.

ahhhhhhh.

[Guest_1584]

The problem is , l come away feeling better buttttt, in big ways that's really just superficial because deep down any doubts and worries are still there unanswered.

l've been having doubts though of late and after all this time l really need to be honest with myself. life goes on and time so damn fast but of course far far bigger is the emotional side of things and heart. You know, most of them would have all just come to light naturally had've we been spending normal time together- but we haven't been now for 18mths more than a few days a time only a few times, the rest has been 1200k apart phone calls and messaging .

l'm starting to wonder though, there's things and habits and ways, getting to me lately and of just how compatible we really are. Things were there when she's been down at mine, it wasn't all roses , but time together was usually so short lived there just wasn't enough time, and now all this since.

rx

[CMF]

Hi rx,

I know how you feel.. when you can't have a normal relationship together you can't know what you're really like together. You can't get to know all the little things about the person.

it's so hard. I have no idea how to work out if it's worth waiting for to find out. Especially after waiting so long.

[Guest_1584]

Hi cm and thanks as always.

Just read yours and sorry it was a rough day. On my sitch yeah your right and she's so all over the place lately, all over again , and the drama just keeps on coming. Tbh even my d said just tonight you know dad, l really really like her but why should you keep going through her crap it never ends and it's not fair on you especially her all over the place. And yep the waves are just crazy l know it but l can't help it it's just the way she's been, again. lately l'm thinking it's just back to what we were talking about here earlier and drama personalities, they just find it, they almost aren't happy unless it keeps coming.

Yaknow, there's pages and pages of it here just all about her stuff that says a lot doesn't it. But yeah, it's been so long now maybe this is the her l would've gotten to know if we had been properly together. l know one thing though there's been a whole new wave this last wk and it's just going on and on and l'm pretty convinced it'll never end.

So,the waiting situation hmm, l'm back to thinking we take that break, l just don't trust it, can't plan anything can't take anything she says seriously, she's still just too everywhere, chopping changing and the drama, my God.

Not a happy puppy.

[CMF]

I'm sorry to hear all that and I understand.

How do we know if this is what things will be like all the time? We don't. 😔

[Guest_1584]

We had an argument last wk and tbh , for now we're on with that break. l'm also really starting to wonder about things though lately to as l was talking about there. After all this time , really, bc we just haven't had any real time in so long now, l'm just not sure what's her and what's coming from the situation and me not committing earlier maybe she's subconsciously giving up, past relationships and what.

You know, over the yrs she's asked or tried to talk me into stopping this or changing that and you know, life's different as a couple l know and we do make changes that wouldn't matter alone and single, doing what we want. So l try to make allowances when she's brought something up if it's fair enough. Trouble is though that's all been a bit one sided bc if l bring anything up or something she's doing , it's usually met with a flat out refusal or excuse as to why she can't or wont stop it or do something, or taken as a personal attack .

Well last wk l asked her to stop talking about health so much it's starting to mess with my head- she's always on and on about health stuff. To me yeah if we're that way we do what we can we're conscious of health things but eh, l'm not worrying and stressing and talking about it 24 7. That's worse your meant to be living life to not having that crap in your head 24 7.

Wellll, she went of and saying l hate things she does l'm not happy with her we're not compatible she won't stop it and ra ra, just rubbish, bc l asked her one thing. Ya see this is why l think about where things come from bc of the way she reacts.

One morng 7am she woke up turned on the light to go on the pc beside me in bed well l'm no morning person best of times and l bloody hate lights , ask her to turn it of- wouldn't do it, flatly refused. l mean 7am, not a big ask for crying out loud.

Sooooo, they're just a few examples buttttt. l dunno , the ex was always telling her what to do but the thing is l'm not like that she knows that , she even preaches compromise herself but when it's her turn even small asks like those- boom.Tantrum. Well it's a lot worse this last yr or so since she's been up there.

Interested to hear what you guys think of this stuff. l mean she hints l won't marry her and l'm not happy and she's not what l want and stuff a lot lately when l've stood by her 18mths 1200k apart , and all her drama and l just wanna get on with things she's the one holding us up.

rx

[Guest_1584]

So it's hard to tell if it's resentment or ex's stuff or she's just one sided or what these days. She always was a bit that way and touchy when it came to her side , even back living together, but she's worse now.

[CMF]

Interesting. If M or I mention something that is annoying ie the light we accommodate each other. I would turn the light off. The whole ' you're not happy with me' sounds like a guilt trip to me. She says her ex tried to control her. I don't know the full story but maybe he just wanted the light off at 7am too? There's a difference between control & compromise. Control is not allowing someone to see their friends or go to the shops. Compromise is being considerate of someone's feelings & adjusting if we can. She could looked at her laptop in another room. I know M likes to sleep I'm on Sundays. I'm awake early so I stay quiet, use bathroom further from the bedroom etc. He likes a certain radio station, I can't stand it. When we're out we sometimes listen to a cd we both like. Not always but I never really ask.

Food for thought.