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living alone
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Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?
No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.
l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.
It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.
But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.
This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.
But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.
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Not doing well atm.
And she messaged me this morning, which wound up leading to talking a lot of the day- which tbh , l didn't really feel like.
And she mentioned Jul again , - l was suppose to be going up again , and Dec too. But l've lost faith and mojo to it all , things are turning of for me atm there's just been to much crap and l feel like l can't believe a word anyway bc any plans or ideas just turn on a penny next day or whenever she just wakes up and it's another story. So sick of it.
Tbh , seems as all this crap and all this time is still just where it is lately, no where basically and still changing with the weather. Starting over and not having to deal with it anymore has been feeling like a bit of a relief anyway.
rx
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And when you've stepped back a bit and gotten a bit of a mental and emotional rest, you just realize the reality of just how much of her stuff you've been dealing with all this time.
l mean whenever l've got stuff she's there in a heartbeat it's not that. lt's just that my stuff is only about 5% of hers and at least there's gaps in between with mine but hers are just daily and never end.
Think l've gotten burn out.
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hey rx
Sorry to hear you gone backwards a few steps.
If you having a break it's a complete break , she needs to respect that. No talking about future events & heaping problems on you.
You may need to firmly set the boundaries daries. Tell her you need space & won't be calling /chatting/responding to drama.
You reckon that sounds like a fair deal?
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Yeah , l could on her part no worrries, she's not pushy at all it's not in that sort of way at all. Or if she felt l wasn't in the mood or busy or l just take my space and didn't say much she'd disappear no problem. lt's more myself really , l miss her to so even though l should be doing this or that, if l do hear from her one thing just leads to another and we end up talking for hours.
l'm my own worst enemy haha.
rx
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You mentioned the woman who walked past you & the possibility of meeting someone local. The ease of it.
Question. Do you miss gf OR the thought of a gf? I ask cos you've mentioned the red flags that keep popping up. I know she has lots of good qualities too but is it the IDEA of her you miss or her?
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Well, in this situation you worry so much about the future and think about it all, say you and m didn't look like working out you would be to right. But that isn't doing it, it's just a sort of subconscious process trying to prepare for if it did come to that later on l suppose.
TBH though nah, any of that just feels forced bc l'm worried about it all. Really though in reality sure being with someone local and without all this crap would be surreal. But l still couldn't feel or even imagine anyone else, flags and all, neither can she. Maybe we're both wrong, or maybe we're meant to get through this.
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Mind you , icing on the cake would be getting a call one day after all this , baby l've met somebody else, it's crossed my mind no worries about that.
And she's not only cute as , she's quite hot also , anddddd, she gets along with some men really well. Great sense of humor, very sharp and very easy to talk to. Someone up there could snap her up for sure buttttt, if that happened then what can you do, so be it. lt'd be a sign.
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Nah, if M& I looked like not working that would be it for me. Not interested in meeting anyone else...again.
You make an interesting point about her meeting someone else. I wonder if she'd be looking or if she thinks the same with you?
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Yeah , l sort of in a way feel like that to but that'd mean staying alone and although l never thought l'd remarry earlier, l'd actually really like to now these days.
Nah as l say, she can't feel or imagine anyone else either and it's either us or nothing, that doesn't mean it couldn't just accidentally happen though.
rx
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One thing worries me about this break stuff though is things have already been feeling a little weird lately bc it's just been so long and no real.
So lf l do after all this still go up again in Jul, that was the plan, but this long gap of just nothing in between right now then, isn't gonna help one bit.