living alone

[Guest_1584]

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm , and thanks very much for that.

I'm really sorry about your situation , the reasons and things happening might be totally different l know but some how unfortunately the outcomes are looking pretty similar to ours. And your right , it's not bc of me or us that she's going this way , it's the outcome that will control it all and that she's just scared shytless now of and all negative about , that she feels has all the control of our destiny and hers. Added to the way she's living up there and all the legals and pressures flooding in , perfect storm mentally sadly.

l wish she could remember or see things we've talked about and planned, things l found and mentioned up there before. lt was a good plan that we had and def' the best solution . ironically though the very thing that meant so much to her though she was worried about so changed her mind and stayed put up there, would've happened. Exactly as she was worried it would if she did do our plan from back then. She would've been locked out of nsw and wouldn't have been able to get back up there for the baby on the very wk it came. How crazy is that , but that's what would've happened. That was her number one reason for not coming back down , and there ya go. She'd been worried about it 6mths and here we are, on the "exact' wk of the baby coming, new lockdowns, all over the damn place.

You couldn't make it up could you eh.

Anyway , l'll try to give it a few wks now she'll be at her sons awhile helping if she can it means the world to her, let all that settle and these damn lockdowns too while we're at it, and see where we're at after that is the plan for now.

Hope you and m can still have your Sunday tomorrow , if your still in the mood for it.

Take care of cm hey. rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx,

Hugs. Hugs to you too CMF, I see your relationship is also facing challenges. Group hugs!

Gosh this stuff is crap isn't it? Pretty mind effing.

Rx hang in there buddy! CMF you too!
Breathe, enjoy the sky whatever colours it is where you are. Bring the moment back to the precious present.

Gosh sometimes I am really grateful I had the mother I did (other times not so much lol)... anyway she had LOTS of books! I would read these strange books and some I would shut immediately thinking oops I shouldn't be reading THAT.

She had books of prisoners who'd used their minds to stay sane (I hope!) during long periods of incarceration, usually solitary confinement.
The POWER of the mind is amazing.

They felt FREEDOM when all around them was desolation.
I'm SO GLAD I read these around 12y of age - when I suddenly realised I could read!

As a quote I read recently says sic "The mind is powerful master but a beautiful slave" - something like that hahaha... I think I wrote it on the Quotes I like Thread.

Another one I TRIED to read back then also is "The Road Less Traveled" by M.Scott Peck, it's NOTHING like one would expect from the title. I thought it was one of my mum's religious books but it wasn't.

I bought my own copy last year - it's FASCINATING.
Describing ALL the types of relationships we may have. Also describing all sorts of personality disorders etc.

Could help with understanding your daughter more rx.
Definitely helps with understanding others who are so different to ourselves.
Most importantly for me at least, it helped me get perspectives on relationships that puzzled me, that I would not have had previously.
A rare jewel indeed.

Thinking of you both!

ENJOY YOUR DAY! Yep that's an order lol.

Love EMxxxx

[Guest_1584]

Thanks em .

Actually l found some great stuff for ex and l on everything we needed to know , gees it's good. Just to the point clear no fluff , on everything really but particularly on the parenting and care side which were things we just needed some to the point clear direction on it's bloody brilliant . Best stuff l've found anywhere even anything form the clinic .

We keep 7 pages of it on our ph's now and in those is everything we need and we can re check something anytime we need to. Soooo much out there but l found most of it pretty useless or just not clear or to the point enough or just not telling you things a parent really need but this stuff , has it all , and zero bs. So yeah after mountains and mountains of the crap finally some extremely useful stuff with everything we need..

I've also got a new mate at her MH clinic he's just brilliant too ,he's her nurse and case manager and just one of these people that's just doing what he was born to do, sooooo good.

Sooooo, wouldn't say it's all under control don't think it ever will be unless she settles down butttt, well what can you say eh. Forever the students of life.

rx

[Guest_1584]

On another note.

Sent gf's son and his w congratulations with their new tiny daughter. l gave them a few days bc l know he's been so stressed for mths now and now the baby on top of it. Well he thanked me and said l think she'll be back down to yours pretty soon now.

l thought hmmm , really , well how about that. Mind you , won't be counting my chickens or getting hopes up , grain of salt right now butttt, it was nice to hear none the less.

we see. rx

[Guest_1584]

Actually , on a 2nd note to the first one , there could be a slight problem if gf does come down again before my d has herself and some of her stuff better sorted . No idea how in the hell l'll tackle this one if it comes to it.

Gf and d get along really well , what they know of ea other anyway. But gf couldn't handle all the d troubles friends and baggage right now either , it was different last time she was down.

And my d's had even more trouble from her last trip away and it looks like she;ll be too broke to move out any time soon now, or take off interstate again which was her plan a few wks ago originally.

Not sure how l'll end up working all this out right now if she does come home soon but l do have one plan. Forget about it until we see if gf even does come down and if she is, we'll figure it out then.

rx

[Guest_1584]

Always a lot easier tapping a few words on a screen than what things are really in reality, isn't it.

l waffle off this or that , it's like thinking through the night in the dark in bed, everything's so easy. light of day next morning your saying wth was l thinking.

l'm stressed to all get out truth be known. D back again is sooo stressful too . She's basically a great person , a beautiful old soul tbh but while she was away so much happened we got dragged into and had to fork money out for. On top of all last yr and the stresses , ex and l were both at the point we couldn't take anymore. And now although she's a lot better lately , the dramas of when she went away, the dramas of her being here , the friends and bf around all the time and in my house, life , my homes no longer my haven . All the gf stuff , man.

Right now l think l just need 6mths alone again after all d's crap first of all. Not sure if l'm up to gf even coming back right now got nothen left right now l'm just drained. She might not even be coming down again any time soon anyway don't know , just something her son said the other night , and the baby now born and what have you . She hasn't actually brought it up herself and for all l know she might not even be thinking about it and l haven't asked bc l just don't need the hassle of that right now and neither does she. l know anyway she won't even know as yet herself , she's got her hands full right now.

My ex was totally exhausted and drained with d stuff and l'm there too but l can't get any me time to recharge . And l need a lot. Finances are totally effd to bc we've had to bail her out so much and l haven't even put out one job this yr yet , l'd normally have done at least a couple by this stage.

rx

[CMF]

Hey my friend,

You sound exhausted.i know how much you love your daughter but maybe you need some house rules re the bf and friends dropping in. They all need to respect your time also. M's house is like that. Kids friends dropping in. Hanging out. Not sure if happens as much now but yeah, it would drive me batty.

Does your d spend time at her mum's at all?

Perhaps you need to sit her down and just be honest about the finances. The uncertainty with gf and the fact you need a break.

Hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a lot cm,

First up though oooooo , finances , we've sat her down 50 times with that one believe me , and then some. But she's bi polar you see and she gets manic , goes out does crazy things , trouble , blows money. And as l was saying earlier there yeah , l think the diagnoses was correct after all, ex def does and has all along. And she's got an extremely high IQ way above normal so the manic is way above normal manic too you see the intelligence needs double the stimulation so when she goes off , she really goes off. The friends yeah , more talks , it's a lot better and we've narrowed it down to just a choice few now the rest she can go to theirs. But on her last manic adventure , ahhh,was a doozy. She wrote off her car and racked up a fortune in costs. Can't say much but so now no car money and home a lot more and on and on it goes. Fun fun.

Anyway , back to the gf thing , well as l say we haven't even talked about her coming back down yet and they're still in lock down buttttt, if she does. On the other hand thinking more , well if things went well this is , it could actually be a real help for me and with d. Last time it was a huge help. lt's just that there's more people and a lot more d crap too right now , not sure if gf could handle it in the state she's in. Mind you , even with all her problems she's normally still just so bright and fun to live with she's incredible like that .

lt's just that everythings a lot worse now , just can't know in advance. Little bit of a worry.Anyway , if she does we'll have a good talk and take it from there l suppose.

rx

[CMF]

How are you my friend?

I must apologise, I wasn't aware your d was bi polar. Have things settled at all?

Have you had a chance to recharge, clear your mind?

Hugs

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hiya cm and thanking you kindly.

We only found out 8mths ago but tbh l didn't really agree with the diagnoses earlier l put it down to other things but l'm afraid l must admit , l think they could well be right now. Very 50 50 , good days and bad been a real sweetheart this last wk or two though.

But alas , nah not really , l need time alone lots of it right now that's the only thing will do it unfortunately . Works a bit of a help in that way but my system is so messed up bc my normal routine and frame of mind is so messed up that l'm not getting much done or so not much of the escapism either l'm afraid buttttt, will soldier on hey. Decided when l finish this job l'm taking off for a wk or two well , if they're bloody letting us out by then anyway.

Hope your doing ok .

rx