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Learning to know what to expect from friends when you don't have a family network or not married

MindfulStep
Community Member

It has been difficult with friendships and recovering from trauma informed mental illness - the trauma does create complex physical and mental behaviour which impacts work, living arrangements and relationships - which is difficult for outsiders to understand. In August this year I moved out of my safe apartment in my beautiful neighbourhood in Brisbane - I could afford it on a disability pension, but I wanted to work and not be dependent on welfare, and I couldn't find work in Brisbane - or had got in a disability mindset.

I also wanted to be close to my best friend who I've known since 2011. I rang her and emailed her as she has been on my journey since 2011 and we worked on a mental health research project, and she works as a researcher in trauma and DV - I trust her. She was very encouraging and excited that I come to Sydney, suggesting I live near her, though we mindfully discussed the realities with my illness. I told her that I wanted to be part of her life and didn't want to miss any of it, which she was happy about.

When I got back to Sydney, she and her boyfriend made the effort to see me, but then sadly her boyfriends mother died - I did my best by going to her work and dropping care packages but our relationship has not been the same since and I have only seen her twice (always with her boyfriend). I am nolonger invited to social events - I invited them to my birthday dinner, and they both invited to a party they were going to after - but her boyfriend told me that night myself and other friend were not dressed right for it, so I was basically uninvited.

I hit a crisis point when my job fired me a week prior to my probation period being over, and not one friend called me when I told them. I became isolated and distraught, on my psychologists advice, I told my friend and two other close mates I was thinking of putting myself in ER for emergency care one friend read my message and ignored me (despite me helping him out recently) and the other waited two days to call me. My best friend just rang me and first thing she said - 'this keeps happening - what is the pattern' - she told me off. I've never been to ER before. She meant - why cant I keep a job and how a I going to fix it.

After her call I took myself to hospital. She told me later she failed to provide me loving support as she is private, she assumed my message was not important as I sent it to other friends, and I was matter of fact (not crisis). she said I would survive.

1 Reply 1

gld
Community Member

Hi MindfulStep,

You are going through a challenging time a present, this is a great community to post and read others posts. Although if you need more support there is a Beyondblue 24/7 call line 1300224636 or you could chat to someone online from 3pm to 12am 7 days a week. These two places have helped me during some difficult times.

Sometimes it overwhelms people that have a lack of understanding about mental health and on occasions cause people to distance themselves.

Glad to read you that you took steps to receive support from health professionals when needed. This is a step that many people are unable to do. Keep up the good work moving through your recovery and having you finger on the pulse so you get the support when you need it.

Losing a job does have an impact on anyone's wellbeing and it is understandable that you are going through these feelings. I am holding onto hope you will be able to find a job that you enjoy soon.

Humans are a funny bunch and i feel we get caught up in our own lives failing to realise what is going on in the world, what is going on around us and what is happening for others we care for.

Keep on looking after yourself and getting support when you need to.

Gen [Hugs]