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is it my hormones or just me in general?

Community Member

hi all,

I'm really frustrated lately, my partner and i have been arguing a lot lately, due to the lack of intimacy we have in our relationship. When he questions why i won't sleep with him, i really can't think of an exact reason besides from being tired and never in the mood... however i have been thinking about it more. When intimacy is brought up it usually my partner arguing with me regarding it. I have been with my partner for 6 years now, the way i show my affection is through cooking for him or buying gifts, mainly me sacrificing something, in order to spoil someone else ( i have no issue with this as i enjoy the happiness it can bring to people, although i do wish it was reciprocated- which its not).

The passed couple of years our sex life has dwindled, this maybe due to increased stress i have during the week. A working week includes me being a full time student, working full time as a manager, volunteer internship which is required for uni, assignments & assessments, 1 hour physical exercise per day, cooking, cleaning, washing, food shopping. The past year i have developed insomnia, where some nights i get barely 3 hours of sleep, i have also started taking medication for anxiety and depression.My doctor has repeatedly told me to reduce the stresses and tasks i do daily (however this isn't an option) and if i keep carrying on like this it could result in me having a severe mental break down (which is a scary thought).

Last night, my partner decided to blow up at me saying our sex life isn't satisfying enough or as often and thats why men cheat on women due to the lack of sex. I was actually upset about this and really started to blame myself (in my head), I'm mad because, despite my partner being the bread and butter winner in our relationship, he really doesn't do much except work full time and go to the gym... the rest is me. Is it normal for us women just to lose our sex drive?, in the beginning we used to have frequent intercourse but now it once a fortnight, which is something he always quizzes me in regards to.

Is it my hormones? is this normal for me to feel this way? where has my sex drive gone? how can this be solved? i feel embarrassed going to the doctor and telling them my sexlife.

thanks for taking the time to read my novel.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Positivity!

I feel like I have read this novel before!

You are so busy, so flat out, just for starters that would mean you are tired, exhausted physically and mentally and I reckon that would have something to do with your reduced desire for sex. You could do a few word searches in the forums btw, there have been many threads on similar topics. The main thing is, why not get some help from a professional? Forget feeling embarrassed, psychologists hear this stuff every day. It's something that you can do with your partner, he needs to change as well, and I reckon he will change his attitude if he knows that you are seeking support.

I know for my relationship, we get support together and apart, seems to me that sex is a great part of a great relationship and that takes work. Reducing your tasks may not be an option but, reducing your stress is. Have you tried meditating? Meditation has help me a lot to control my stress.

Are you seeing a psychologist? A good psych will help you with all of this, I have no doubt.

All the best, Jack.