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Is his depression causing him to lie ??

Community Member

My husband has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety recently and has been prescribed antidepressants and counselling, which he is reluctant to take, he has started acting totally out of character and has been lying about where he is and messages he has received from a female work colleague, so much so that I believe he may be having an affair, when I confronted him about it, he has said he just needs time by himself to clear his head, is this a symptom of depression??

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Hi Maccyb and welcome to BB 🙂

It’s a difficult place to be, when your partner is diagnosed with anxiety/depression. What is he not wanting - medication, counselling or both? Are you aware of what the cause of his anxiety/depression might be?

I live with anxiety/depression and PTSD, and I often want time to myself to sort things out. I wouldn’t say this is a symptom of those disorders, more sometimes, a necessity. Perhaps is female colleague is helping him with some work related issues, and helping rather than hindering?

Perhaps until proven otherwise, you could accept his answer as truthful. People living with anxiety/depression need to know they are supported, cheers M 🙂

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Maccyb

Welcome to the forum. I hope we can help you. Before I talk about your husband I want to point you to the Beyond Blue resources. Under the tab The Facts at the top of the page is a drop down list of information. I suggest you look at these, download what you want or send for items you cannot download, no charge. You can see the sort of symptoms and reactions people have when they are clinically depressed. Be assured the information is correct.

Depression is a horrible place to be and unfortunately it is hard to describe to those with no experience of this wretched illness. I know it is a prime cause of separation between couples. It's not that anyone is at fault, it's simply the unpleasant way it works.

You said, he has said he just needs time by himself to clear his head, and this is how it feels. I live alone and when I became depressed it was good to have a place where I did not need to pretend everything was OK. It helped me get through my working day. The difference between your husband and me is that I was getting help and taking medication. Yes I hated taking meds. Society has taught us the any kind of mental illness is shameful, the person concerned needs to get back to work, pull up their socks etc. It just doesn't work like that.

I have no idea if your husband is having an affair. I suggest that coping with his family, the demands at work and trying to see a way out of his depression would allow little left over energy to have an affair. But in reality I don't know. Talking to someone outside the family may be helpful to him, having an affair may be a way of escape from the reality of his depression, I really don't know. Sorry to keep saying that but it is impossible to know just from the information you have provided.

Does your husband take his meds regularly? Is he attending counselling? This is a very important part of his recovery and he needs to go to the sessions.

There have been many posts here on BB about husbands leaving the family home to "get their heads around the depression". Can you provide him with a safe place he to get relief from the demands on his time and energy. A room that is exclusively his, a shed or the proverbial man cave, a sheltered place in the garden. It is important that he has somewhere to be alone if that is possible. And maybe his work colleague is providing his refuge. Once you have read the BB stuff perhaps you can rethink your suspicions. Write in again.


Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hello Maccyb, if his doctor has suggested he take AD's but reluctant to do so, and then to be lying to you, then I wouldn't accept the fact that he needs time to himself, this does happen to people all the time, where they need some space, without being asked question after question, however in this situation I don't believe this to be the case.
If this female colleague keeps messaging him and he lies as to where he has been, then there is every chance he is taking this opportunity to be with her.
You have to remember that any new r/ship puts people on a high, so that's why he won't want to take any AD, however soon or later he will hit the ground again and may have to start taking them, but not at the moment, I'm sorry to say. Geoff.