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Is he controlling or am I just sensitive?

Community Member

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years. I used to be scared of him - as in he was quite critical of how I would go about doing certain things for eg how to make dinner. We purchased a second-hand boat and I don't have much experience with boats. Each time we have taken it out I have found him to be bossy, critical (not having much patience when teaching me the ropes) and if I do something 'wrong' he belittles me by saying things such as, 'As per usual, your doing things half-assed'. I'm dreading the day we get our motor boat back from getting fixed, as I don't want to go out in it as each time we've gone out, I've felt so stupid, small and dumb.

The boat has been away for fixing for 3 weeks now, during which time I've resumed training for a 10k fun run and doing yoga. Doing these things has given boosted my self-acceptance and self-esteem....so much so that whenever my boyfriend talks down, gets bossy or insulting towards me, instead of cowering and saying 'I'm sorry', I've gone the other way and have gotten reactionary. My behaviour is now '....and that's another thing I've done wrong' or getting defensive and angry.

My question is, is his behaviour deemed as emotional abuse? Also, how can I find a middle ground for myself - by not allowing his behaviour to dictate how I respond?

38 Replies 38

Hi, first of all I am new at this. Not new at calling beyond blue plus many other support organisations but never a forum.

i need help with my getting on and don't know how to do it. I don't know where to start.

im still grieving my exhusband that left for internet chick and took all from me but thinks my life is great. So I live with someone I started a relationship and has turned out to be controlling and condescending because I do not have any family here. I don't know where to start.

any input would be great.

Hi and welcome Mona;

So sorry you haven't had a response as you've inadvertently posted on someone else's thread.

I hope you see this instead of staying away due to lack of support. I'm sorry again...

Please visit the 'Section' page and scroll down to find what section fits your issues best. Press on the title which will lead you to a list of threads. Above them is a red/pink button that says 'new thread'.

This'll get you going on your own personal thread; people will see it's your first post and respond. I hope this helps..

I'll keep an eye out for you ok.

Kind thoughts;


Community Member

It's been a while since I last posted. I've had more 'a ha' moments recently.

I love my job and I was told by my ex to leave it and get a higher paying job. Part of me managing my bipolar 2 disorder is being employed in my current position where I earn enough to cover the bills, rent, food, daily expenses and saving some money as well. To be told to stop my voluntary super contribution of $150 a fortnight.....and th en he has all these extra expenses as per below:

He owns a second hand boat, a motorbike and is currently paying off a personal loan for a brand new, 2018 4 wheel drive. The loan is in his name only thank god. He does internet rugby league gambling and buys expensive scuba diving gear.

No prizes for guessing my reaction.

Luckily a member of my 'work family' has offered his help in that he can look after my dog for a day (he is an animal lover himself) whilst I physically remove myself 'time out'. As mentioned in previous blogs the lease doesn't end until Nov/Dec 2018 and I'll be glad when it does. This has been an 'unreal' experience. Learning that I'm being emotionally abused, used and not really accepted for me is certainly an eye opener.

Knowing that during one of his 'dummy spits' he texted a friend that 'all women are the same, they want to screw men over'.

I feel no love or warmth towards him. Only pity and hope that one day he will realise that not everyone is out to get him.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Rip Curl,

It's good to hear you have been discovering more about how this relationship was unhealthy for you and I am very glad to hear that you've had help to get some time and mental headspace. From what I gather you still live together and will until Nov/Dec 18? I am not sure about your situation as I haven't seen your other posts, but hopefully you may even be able to move in with a friend or family before then. It doesn't sound like your ex is a good person to be around.


Hi Rip Curl, welcome back to the forums.  Not sure if you intended to post in this thread, as it is Carolyn Rae's discussion of her relationship.

If you'd like to update your earlier thread, you can find a direct link here:

Bipolar II and Melancholy

It is also accessible by using your My Threads tab.

Community Member
So, I'm back again.
This time needing help dealing with my anxiety and sadness for something that happened this afternoon.
My partner (same one mentioned in previous posts) asked me to go to the chemist to get some decongestant tablets (just like he did) to be used for illegal purposes (i.e. to use it to make 'speed'.
I told him that I went to the chemist and asked for the decongestant tablets but they gave me ones that are not used to make 'speed'. I also mentioned that when I left the chemist knowing that they were the wrong ones, that I was too scared to go back and ask for the 'right ' ones.
My partner was not impressed, shook his head as in disbelief that what happened.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hey carolyn rae,

sorry about the delay in my response.

oh geez. i'm sorry to hear your partner is still doing this to you.he shouldn't be trying to involve you in these things which are both illegal and also not what you want to do.

How are you feeling now?


white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Totally agree with James

He is not going to change in the short term.

Are you happy to continue on with these actions/demands, that are not suitable with yours?


Carolyn Rae '

Thanks for he feedback.

How do you see your relationship in six months time if nothing changes? I am wondering what you get out of the relationship, do you feel cared for, do you feel comfortable with him?

It is a worry when someone asks you to something to enable them to produce an illegal product.

An ex of mine who was a heavy drinker wanted me to drive him home from places , I did not have a drivers license. I said no but people can make out it is your fault. When he was caught for drink driving, he and his friend decided it was my fault as I wouldn't drive him home from the pub.