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International love during a Pandemic: 2020's Romeo and Juliet

Honeycat
Community Member
My partner and I havent seen each other for almost 300 days due to lockdowns. Im here in Australia, but he is in europe.
Its taken a huge toll on my mental health. I can no longer watch the news without breaking down, and my dreams are now anxiety-driven nightmares. My appetite has shrunk down to almost nothing, and im constantly on the mission to distract myself from thinking too much.
Every time I see a happy couple, its another dagger in the chest because I am so overwhelmed with jealousy that they have their significant other phyiscally with them. The pain has severely damaged my social life, and now I barely leave my home without feeling panicked or lonely.
There is very little support for long distance relationships impacted by Covid online, and I have very little information on when we will finally see each other again. Surely I cant be the only one feeling this constant pain? Is anyone else out there?
3 Replies 3

Bananie1234
Community Member

Hi Honeycat,

I’m in the exact same situation as you. For me, we haven’t even been going out for very long, he left for a new job just before border closures. We haven’t really made the relationship official due to distance although I’ve already met his family and it just made everything even more complicated during covid as I’m not sure how to bring up serious topics about our relationship to him.

I havent seen him since end of feb and i got to a point where i feel a little disconnected and super anxious as we still communicate but not as often as we used to when he first left. I feel more separated and detached from him as the days go by and it’s making me super anxious and moody.

I’m feeling exactly what you’re feeling. I had to disconnect myself from all the news, i hate hanging out with people, seeing them all happy with their partners/date and even family (my family also live overseas) makes me super upset. I’m dreading December as it’s the holiday season and it’ll just make me super jealous of everyone.

I’ve started/plan to do a few things which im not sure if it’ll help you.

seeing a psychologist

find a hobby that requires you to meet new people. Eg a hiking club or some sort of girls club.

Reading and podcasts. I recommend - rising strong by brene brown. Podcasts i recommend would be “the mindset mentor “ and “how to un**** your brain”.

journaling-when you convert your anxiety into words, it really calms you down.

if you haven’t already, communicate with your partner about this. This is something I’m still trying to find the courage to do in my situation. But hopefully between you and your partner, it’ll be easier to bring it up.

I hope these ideas are somewhat useful for you. I know it doesn’t help long term but at least for now, it may work.

ecomama
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

HI Honeycat and a wave to Bananie1234

Yep I'm in the same boat ie in a LDR with an American man.

You sound just like I felt at March this year when I could see the writing on the wall with the pandemic and my kids and I cancelled our plans to visit the U.S. for a month this Christmas, travelling with my children to meet all his family from one corner to the other.

I've already met them all. The kids have never been able to before now.

My BF couldn't understand us cancelling (being led up the garden path by their president that it would all just vanish in no time) and his job was also dangerous, so he became anxious and depressed.
My anxiety skyrocketed at the dangers of his job.

We almost broke up over it all (been "together" 4y by then).
But we've always been pretty good communicators so worked through that also and decided to stay together.
In fact he proposed very seriously, so we're engaged now.

It will be almost 2 years since we've seen each other this Christmas.
Like you guys, we have no idea when we'll see each other again and I say IF too to myself.

I had to turn the TV off and stop watching all news updates.

It was difficult enough for me to support all my children working more than double shifts during the shut downs, plus all of them learning from home and me needing to work also.

I took Leave and saw a trauma psychologist.

For now we've committed to the long haul. He plans to live here after retiring. But wants us over there alot.... like that's NOT happening in the forseeable future.

I have no idea about anything just that we love each other and needed to find other ways to keep the bond strong whilst understanding we're both under a lot of pressure.

We're now designing a back yard cabin to be built for me to rent out to tenants.
It's given us a common project to work on and communicate about that's NOTHING to do with covid or politics lol... we argue about those!

Hope you both see some hope in your relationships.
It's a difficult thing to be in a LDR at any time but the pandemic has made it 1000 times harder.

Love EM

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Honetcat, and a warm welcome t the site.

This pandemic has changed people in many ways in tracking down what day it is, what we can and can't do and even to make us not inclined to step outside, a freedom we once happily enjoyed.

300 days is almost a year without being able to hold hands, have a kiss and to cuddle in your own home, and talking on skype doesn't actually solve the problem, sure it helps but it's different than physically being with someone.

It makes us vulnerable to changes we have to make, against our will due to the current circumstances or forces us into them by a work boss or other financial institution changing how we live and the reasons why.

If you'd like to tell us about your partner and the same for Bananie1234 if this helps vent.

Best wishes.

Geoff.