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Insecure anxious attachment and moving on from a relationship

Von is lost
Community Member
A guy I know from high school and I went on a few dates 2 years ago, and it didn’t work out because he started seeing someone else which was really hard for me. Recently he reached out again, and we messaged daily for about 3 months. I was wary initially but he seemed really interested. He lives 4 hours away from me so we’ve only been able to meet up 2 times. He was going to come up to visit me last week, but he ended up not being able to because of where I’m living had a few unexplained coronavirus cases which would affect his ability to go to work. This is obviously fine, but the last thing I messaged was asking ‘do you want to stay in touch or do you think it might be too hard for us?’. He replied saying he wanted to stay in touch, but it makes him uncomfortable when I ask questions like that. I apologised and now I haven’t heard from him for a whole week. My anxiety has been playing up really badly, and my insecure attachment issues are really coming out. I feel that he’s already disappeared and that its not going to work out again. I also feel stupid for giving him another chance and abandoned. Does anyone have any advice on how to feel better? And should I accept that it’s not going to work out and just start moving on? Thank you
12 Replies 12

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear Von

Thanks for popping back in and posting again.

Has this person contacted you again?

There's nothing pleasant about breaking up, losing someone you gave a second chance to, being alone when you wish to be partnered up.

But there's NOTHING worse than being in a relationship where you are treated like sh**.

You said you don't know how to meet people?

I'm not sure of the movements permitted in your area, but have you thought of joining some activity clubs you're interested in?

My thought is that if we put alot of LOVE into our lives, doing things we LOVE, hanging out with people who LOVE the same things, then we get happier and happier... I've found when I've done this I usually think really positively about my single life.
Then meet someone lol.

Having shared interests is a really great thing!


Thank you EM.
He has interacted with me a little bit through social media (liking my Instagram photos etc.) but no messaging directly. He seems to be ignoring a hard conversation but still keeping me on the back burner through social media. So it’s hard to know what he’s thinking.

I was considering joining a few clubs and the gym to meet some more people, thank you for your ideas.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Dear VIL

So you've heard of "being kept on the back burner"?
It's what every expert Narc and cheating person does.

It takes a near lobotomy for some people to "change", I think you need to believe he hasn't changed one iota.

I found Chumplady a GREAT support to deal with the aftermath of a cheating ex.
She's fantastically great fun and really helps us laugh through our tears.

I'm so grateful I don't have to deal with all the "wondering"anymore.

It's a terrible way to "live".

Bestest wishes for seeking great groups.