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In love with a stoner

Community Member

Ive never been one to take drugs, I've tried weed twice in my life. The guy i fell for is a stoner, he has smoked since the age of 14 and is now 21 and smokes every day before sleeping, before going to work and as soon as he woke up. I never really knew the extent of how addicted he was till i started staying at his house more often, he would smoke bongs in his room/lounge room, i noticed his brother and mother also did it. He knew i wasn't too keen on it, but it was his choice and he said it helped his PTSD. All of his friends do it and his family, he is very insecure about how dependent he is on it and how often he does it. He wouldn't stay at my house cause he couldnt sleep without smoking before bed, was very irritated if he didnt have some.

It was funny cause when i was with him and i knew he was high he just acted goofy and funny, but when he was high and i wasnt around he'd text me at 2am accusing me of something whether is was lying, cheating, anything and it was a cycle constantly and i began to notice the pattern of when he was high his paranoia set in. Things have ended now, as the paranoia got so intense, he accused me of being against him and trying to hurt him and created these elaborate stories about the most ridiculous situations. When confronted about his paranoia he called me crazy and I'm the one with issues. He has blocked all contact with me and told his friends i cheated. He calls me from unknown numbers at 1-2am when his high to tell me how much i ruined his life etc.

I was wondering if anyone has experienced something like this? Or has some more information based on the effects of weed and if this is normal behaviour?

8 Replies 8

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hello lizzie50, in short yes, paranoia and marijuana use go hand in hand. It can trigger psychosis in some people too, particularly if you are a heavy user of it. It sounds like you are best out of this situation.

Community Member

Yes he is for sure a heavy user. It upsets me cause i wish he'd get off it, but unfortunately we can't change people. I feel sorry for him and it hurts me to see him this way, he has no job, can't commit to anything and i feel maybe sells drugs cause always has money. So secretive about everything he did, its sad to see the person i love like this.

Its best I'm out of the situation, he always said his lifestyle i shouldn't be apart of I'm too innocent

I'd block his mobile number as well

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
dear Lizzie, well I don't need to add what the others have said, because without any doubt you would be hurt somewhere along the line.
You can see the change in his personality when he is high with you and without you, unfortunately this is what can happen to anyone smoking weed or by having any other addiction, such as alcohol.
The person you love is not the person you think you do, I know that it's disappointing, but for him to stop smoking it is going to take an enormous effort, and now that's not what he wants, especially when his mates, brother and mum also smoke it, but the fact that you believe he is getting his money in other illegal ways.
I'm so pleased that you have decided to move on and I have to congratulate you for not being sucked in to join them. Geoff. x

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Lizzie

I myself just got out of a relationship with a "stoner" after a year of absolute bs. While we had some good times he became a narcisstic abusive manipulating a-hole and i had no choice but to leave him. The last straw for me was when he became phisically abusive. I put up with the emotional and verbal abuse and belittling for a long time. While i was in a position where i didnt know what was the best way to get out the relationship, i knew i was better out of it. Prior to him i'd been single for 7 years and loved life. My friends were always tellng me that i deserved better and tht i had changed. I was no longer the strong woman they all knew and admired that would take no s*** from no one. I was the type of person that if someone had lied to me or treated me bad just one time i had no hesitation to leave or break up with them. I had never associated with anyone that did recreation drugs before, nor have i ever taken them myself, so i guess you could say i didnt know what i was in for. I was scared that he may do something to myself or to my family as he knew where they all lived. But in the end i did get the courage to break up with him, and i havent heard boo from him since. I know deep down that i deserve better, and i just got used to being with him and his company. I am so much better off without it, as you will be once youre able to set yourself free 🙂

Thanks for the reply!

Exactly what happened, he was a narcissist. Luckily for me no physical abuse, he did threaten one day, saying if i was a girl he'd hit me. He was extremely emotional abusive, i was the same as you. I was strong and didnt take crap from people and then he came along and i completely crumbled basically, he'd call me a horrible name or treat me badly and i wouldn't say boo, just accepted it and even tried to make him forgive me even tho i didnt do anything to him. He ended things with me, i wish i had the power to do it but unfortunately i was too far into it. He ended it nasty and suddenly, calling me a liar and crazy saying i need help. Thinking about it, i literally just wanted to see him and spend time together and he took it as i was ruining his life.

Weed has been a factor in his emotional instability and his paranoia, its sad to see someone i loved show their true colours. While his happy and off living his miserable life that he thinks is great, i feel lost and confused.


Im really glad to hear you got out of this relationship and were strong about it,

Community Member

Thanks Geoff,

Yeah, i have some friends that smoke weed on the occasion and i tried to talk with them about effects etc. and as they don't do it often it hasn't impacted them as greatly as it did him. Its very sad to see this addiction take over his life, it has increased his other mental illnesses as well even tho he sees it as coping mechanism. He is extremely insecure about how dependent he is on it, and how much he smokes of it. However his environment his surrounded himself in won't help the situation of quitting. I often find myself blaming myself, over analysing and thinking every conversation wondering if i could of said something different or helped him in some way. Im a bad over thinker and need to learn to control it.

Drugs have never been something i like, never tried it ever. He was aware of this and i feel it made him insecure that he lived this way and i didnt. xxx

Some people, both men and women, are completely horrible people. The only way to deal with them is to eject them completely from your life