In denial : Mummy Dearest

[Luna_L_]

I think I am being in denial of my personal issues. I’ve dealt with a lot over my life and starting university has being great however I can’t make friends ( being 1 year all alone) , no job ( trying but can’t get one ) and I can’t see a happy future and I’m burnt out ( probably failed a unit). I want to break free and heal however I don’t know if people would listen and help. These issues stem from my childhood and family ( I still live with them ). I realised there was a problem when I was 6/7 and I have to write about my family life at school. The school called CPS on my parents. Nothing was done, only received a warning phone call and then the school acted like I was still ok ( probably because i‘m Chinese ). They didn’t do enough for my well-being. It’s hard to live like this when my mother is literally Joan Crawford and my parents are sort of like Matilda’s parents. I know how asain parents are stereotyped to be strict and harsh ( damaging stereotype) but when you realise that other asain kids don’t have the same issues as you, there is a problem. And then in highschool, yet, nothing was done. Last few years of VCE, I’ve being to counselling at school which sucked and minimised my issues and I was treated like a little child. They didn’t have a talk with my mum the first thing they knew about her antics and my declining mental health. Only when I was at my worse during VCE did they talk to her and they didn’t touch on the important issue. Another asain student was frustrated that physical and emotional abuse from her mother was minimised to “ cultural issues” rather than the real deal. They are trying to normalise and deny abuse. Mental health is already a taboo in the asain community and it’s really difficult to get help as an asain. Eg. My mum would rather spend money on my sisters braces and acne skin care rather than for my mental health. I feel a distrust towards counsellors after what I have experienced at school. Although I’m happier in uni, I struggle to adapt. However I’m conflicted to seen a counsellor or not. I also want to study abroad to find my self and get away however I need to be mentally healthy.

[Luna_L_]

Just to add: I do love my parents but the household is toxic. I don’t have any family here that could support me. My mum is the way she is because she was emotionally and physically abused by her mother. I feel like I had to move away from the family just like what she did however I don’t want to turn out like her.

[white knight]

Hi Luna,

So much of what you describe can be fixed when you find employment. Independence, a financial future, etc.

You said once “probably because I am Asian” I don’t think you can assume these things. Many people get forgotten or ignored for no reason. We Australians are very multicultural and mostly non racist.

Mental health issues are invisible, hence, why your mum spends money on braces and acne for your siblings. Try not to judge her so harshly.

use google

beyondblue topic they just won’t understand- why?

So my suggestion is to find work even after hours like McDonalds or similar and find your own accomodation. Also seek support for your mental health from professional medical staff and forums like this one, not necessarily from family and friends

TonyWK

[Carer07]

Hi Luna L,

It is really great that you felt ready to post here, for some support. That is a great step in the direction, and takes a lot of courage to speak up for yourself. GO YOU!

How are you doing these days? I expect uni classes have been moved to online for you (if you are still studying). Have you been able to connect with some class mates?

I understand how childhood experiences and difficult family situations can impact on our mental health. I also have struggled with anxiety/depression from a young age which was influenced by my mother's mental health issues, and how neglect impacted on my development and connection to peers my own age. My greatest experience with depression was during high school (first half was emotionally chaotic as I was in denial, unwilling to admit that I was depressed because I felt guilty about it). VCE was my lowest point as I was no longer in denial and was more or less accepting of my anxiety and depression - but felt almost paralysed by not being able to know how to deal with the anxiety and depression + abusive boyfriend + relationship on edge of breakdown with mum.

I hope you will continue to try with other counsellors that are available to you. Sometimes it can feel like your trying on different shoes, but i am sure you will find the best fit if you are willing.
We’re here if you would like to chat more, and have some support in working through your stuff.

Take care,

[Guest_9043]

Hi Luna, if I could say anything to you it would be to trust your gut. (Intuition).

Your mothers experiences of a very rough childhood are no excuse to treat you badly. Perhaps you may want to re think counselling from the vantage point, that being in uni is different to being in school. I also had major issues with a school guidance counsellor when I was in school and that was a long long time ago now. She caused more harm to me than good and it caused damage later on in my life.

However you are not a child now, you are an adult. You have a choice about who you see as a therapist. I feel your choices were very limited with being at school and having other responsibilities. As for being asian, I am sure there are comparisons for you to make and I understand the frustration at forgetting about the real problem at hand and instead focusing on something that has nothing to do with the issue. Culture should not matter as it happens in ALL cultures.

Stick with getting the support you desire and don't stop looking. There is much more choice for you now.

Wishing you all the best.

2quik.