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Im complicated - help

callmesophie
Community Member

I have been feeling depressed lately, but the root cause has been impacting me for the last 5yrs.
My guess that the root of my low self esteem, self sacrificing comes from guilt of not being there when my family had difficulties.
I know I am not to blame 4 because I didnt cause the situation, but I cant help but feel so useless ontop of my fam being better than me.
I shud be grateful.

This is where it gets complicated.
I got into a 2 yr relationship. 1st time I got comfortable to tell something like this to someone. We would happily call everyday, and said that we would grow as a person together. He is also my bestie. I also have 2 close friends. I care about him a lot. I can pretty sacrifice my time/money no matter what. I do the same to my friends.
Anyways
He got more busy whilst I am still me. He started gym, sport & becoming friends with one of my besties too w games. I am happy that he is growing.
But now I feel like its hard to have the same level of attention from him as before. I feel like no one listens/cares about me. I am very selfish for thinking this way as I dont think our relationship b4 was healthy. We spent a lot of time w each other.
But I feel like I am no longer important.
I am jealous of him wanting to be friends with my close friend which I absolutely hate myself. I said it was ok to be friends w girls as most of his friends are guys. I dont want to be difficult.
We had a discussion. I told him even before this, that I do not feel heard in our convos. He said he would improve but it feels forced when he asks further questions about me without absorbing what I said.
He gradually started calling later, talking for only 2 mins even because he was playing games w my friends. It felt onesided.
I mentiond to him, he said that he will try to cut out games (as always). But he said our calls have become a bit more boring as we called everyday. I feel like im a boring person to talk to - ading to my low self esteem.
I offered to call less & he prefered 3x a week. I was ok w it I think.
I brought up indirectly about with friends of friends. I just didnt want 1on1 meetups w him and my close friend bcos I was grossly jealous. I hate me. I know he wont cheat but everytime he brings up my friend in our conversations Im just not comfortable. Its mainly that one friend.

I just feel anxious everyday the past 2 wks and its affecting me physically. So I asked for 1 month break.

I tried going bak 2 my hobbies but it didnt feel fun anymore.

I need help


2 Replies 2

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Sophie, sorry your comment has been missed, this can happen when the site is busy and your thread gets pushed over to page 2, my apologies.

If two people fall in love then it doesn't matter how many times a week you talk with each other because love means happiness and devotion.

When you have an attraction towards someone and a romance begins, it is disappointing when your partner begins paying more attention to your closest friend and jealousy develops, especially if they rise their name while talking to you.

Reducing the calls to 3 times a week is a vast drop when you think you love someone because you wonder if or when he may be contacting your friend instead of you and is a worry to be concerned about.

Having a month's break may be your best option but it's a long time being alone wondering what he could be doing, however, you could contact your friend and notice if she is behaving any differently to how she normally is, that's something a close friend will pick up on and if you feel confident, you can ask her.

I hope for your sake she isn't going out with him, that you might not know initially but one way or another someone will let you know.

Can I ask if you have made contact ith your doctor and ask them about the 'mental health plan' this entitles you to 10 Medicare paid sessions to visit a psychologist, especially during this month's break.

Take care.

Geoff. x

Hi Geoff, thank you for replying I really appreciate it! Excuse my contractions, it was hard keeping to a word limit!

I have spoken to my close friend recently, and I dont think she would betray me, she has never taken a romantic interest to anyone ever as well. Although I suppose, its the connection that could happen unintentionally I think is what I am afraid of.

I guess the advice I need is, whether my needi-ness and insecurities is something I should focus on fixing alone, and not mentioning any of this to him because he is not doing anything wrong with making friends of my friends and that I should not restrict him from that as that would limit his personal growth. Or should I go with telling him exactly how I feel - my jealousy with the one friend and not feeling wanted/needed. The likely outcome from this option would be him not being happy, thinking I do not trust him with not cheating, feeling forced to not hang out my friends or female and just ruining our connection. I am afraid of opting to the second option as I am afraid also that he would stop being transparent with me with what hes doing etc. as he would not want me to react. Ever since I had the boundaries discussion with him, I noticed that hes been telling me white lies about not playing games with my friends till 5am even though I saw it happening that night.

I guess this is a decision I need to make before Saturday as my close friend and her friend has invited him to a game event for this Sunday. Sunday was the only day that I would be available all day before the one month break begins so I asked if we could do that day instead since it would be a whole day and it might be the last date that we have. So he reschedules with them on Saturday.

I really wish my feelings were in line with my logic but its not and I don’t know what to do!

With the mental health plan, I have been seeking other options to see if I could get mental health without physically going to the GP/Psychologist as I do not wish my family members to know about my mental health concerns as it kinda involves them. My parents have the same GP so he is quite transparent with my other health concerns with my parents. Its a little difficult to get around.

As always, I would appreciate any opinions/advice/response.