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I would love to move out but partner not interested

Korrine
Community Member
Hi everyone:) I've been with my partner for nearly 4 years and we currently live with his best mate and his wife and their 2 (soon to be 3 kids). Living here was only meant to be temporary until we had enough money to move out. We'll we've been here for nearly 3 years and i am at the end of my tether. We have nothing together (besides health insurance) and every time i bring up the subject it turns into a fight. I try to save money but i never seem to get anywhere because it just goes on bills or I am left paying for our entire holiday. I am strongly thinking of telling him i am going to save money every week and move out on my own. Is this the right thing to do? I love him but this is getting ridiculous. Thanks in advance for all your advice and help 🙂
4 Replies 4

Evilnut
Community Member

Hi Korrine very nice name one of my best friends at school had same name. She was a great friend to me as we were very different she was very smart and tall I was short and school challenged.

I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer to that very good post by the way koodos on you for writing a post shows me you are stronger than you think.

Maybe you could talk to your GP or some other counseling service use the internet write the word (define)at beginning of search plus ( eg, councillors then subject in my area)you mite be surprised.

This a subject that a lot of people have gone though and come out the other side so hold your held high you are a winner as for all winners that strick a challenge in there lives ask for help to move on that is you keep asking and you will receive what you asked for.

Cheers for now evilnut out or Wayne have a great day.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Korrine~

Welcome and thank you for posting. Here at least you will get an outside perspective on your problem, though it is a judgment call and ultimately does depend upon what you want.

Ideally a partnership is two people that are in love, want to look after and cherish the other person, enjoy being in each other's company and listen to each other.

From what you say it sounds rather one-sided. While living with that family short-term would have seemed an excellent idea at the start it seems to have evolved into a situation where he does not want to move on. He may well be very comfortable with things now, and I suppose if you felt the same way everything might be OK (though what the other family might think as it increases is another matter).

But you don't feel that way and naturally want a place just for the two of you. Frankly I don't think if you can save money is the most important problem. I think it is that he is not trying to save too and ignoring your feelings. From his point of view it looks like having an argument is the easy way out not involving any effort or going out of his way to see to your needs.

Being ignored is no way to be in a relationship. It will just increase anger, resentment and even reduce feelings of being a person that counts.

I'd suggest as a first step see if getting counseling together will sort things out, with the pair of you having particular goals and sticking to them.

If that dos not work - if it was me - I'd think seriously of moving out, at least for a while, and see what happens. Yes I realize it is not me and very easy for me to say, however this situation looks to me like it will fester in the long term.

I'd be really happy if you came back and said what you thought

Croix

Korrine
Community Member

Hi Cronix and thanks for your reply and for your outside perspective.

At the moment it does seem very one sided and in the beginning it was an ideal situation but as time as gone on its has not become the ideal situation. I feel trapped and like i can't have any time to myself or with my partner alone. I've been wanting to move out for over a year and i have suggested selling some of my things so have the money so we can move out but it just ends up in an argument. I would love to do counselling so he can hear my side of the story and maybe acknowledge my feelings but it'll just be like screaming at a brick wall ( we've been through it once when he took something his best friend said and didn't believe my word and that he told me he trusts his word over mine because he'd know his best mate longer than me)

I honestly think me moving out by myself will maybe prompt him into realizing we need our own space and time together but it will also help me think about if this is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with because if he doesn't respect my feelings over something simple like having our own place then when will he...

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Korrine~

I've only a brief thought to add and this is my personal view, another may disagree.. A partner, male or female, can't play second fiddle to someone's parent or a friend. It simply means trouble, uncertainty and resentment stored up ready to play out in the future. If I was not trusted by my partner -and have confidence that was always going to be the case, then I'd think it was not a partnership.

I get the feeling you have decided what to do. You know you can talk here as often and as long as you'd like, were are here and care.

Croix