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I want to feel at home somewhere

Community Member
I am struggling with my marriage about whether to stay or go. We have been married for over 10 years and have a child together. We have wanted a second one but have been unsuccessful. Tests revealed no obvious reason but just "one of those things". My parents have both passed away and the family home was demolished. My family is changing and some have moved away, permanently.
My husband is great how he has supported me to stay at home with our child. However, with his chronic sleep apnea we have to sleep in separate rooms. I am a light sleeper and hear his CPAP machine. He is often tired and tunes out for the day on the computer, TV or his phone. I often feel lonely. We have no intimacy in our marriage. He has a very low sex drive. We have had couples therapy but the right things are said in the session but things always go back to the way they were. Nothing changes. He is happy in the marriage and I am not.
I am really scared. I feel as if there is a little girl inside of me screaming for attention. I want to go back to work but feel an absolute lack of confidence. It's like I want to launch but my springboard doesn't feel stable. I don't feel supported or nurtured. I don't have any money to leave. Can anyone offer any advice? Thanks.
3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I've had 3 cpap machines and the latest we've had for 4 years is the quietest, it starts with the word "demon".

But, I understand your issues are far bigger than that. Sex drive differences are a big issue, bigger than the low sex drive person considers... For them they just go along with life and not realise the frustrations of their partner.

To recommend you separate isn't the charter I's go along with but you should seek happiness and if that means a life away from him then that's a no brainer. My first marriage went left when 11 years of abuse hit rock bottom from her but emotionally we were miles apart and once I had left I was really relieved the decision was made.

I restarted my life with no money and was 40yo. Now at 62, I'm comfortable financially though a pensioner. I suggest that you, in a final effort, ask him to seek a GP with you to discuss medication that raises his sex drive. This would also be a test of sorts to see if his concern for your happiness sis a priority.

I hope that helps. Take care of yourself especially for the little ones benefit.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi MummaPetal,

From a practical perspective, I think the most important thing is to regain some of your strength. If you are in an unhappy relationship it can take a real toll on your self-esteem and make the situation feel hopeless. You can’t make any life-changing decisions without being strong within yourself first. And the beauty of this is that if you decide that you want to give your marriage another try, there is nothing to be lost by feeling good about yourself, there is literally no downside. I think that means first finding a job that you are happy with and get settled in there. You can start off small, 1 or 2 days a week if you need to get your confidence back up, but I do think it is important to get some interests outside of the home and the relationship. I know when I left my partner, having the stability of my job in a constantly changing world was so reassuring and really helped me get through. To go somewhere that didn’t know my problems, with people that could make me laugh, was a wonderful distraction during a dark period of my life, let alone the financial freedom it affords. Changing everything at once, while can be done, feels incredibly daunting. So my advice is, just start with small goals, and you can reevaluate in future.

Community Member

So sorry to hear 😞 try talking to hubby try remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

When I left my ex husband I also had no money I ended up talking to centrelink we ended up living separately under the one roof if you've got proof they will pay a single parent pension I stayed for as year then moved.

Good luck...follow your heart