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I've given it my all

Community Member

All I ever wanted is a family. I married in my early 30's after being well set up financially for the future. My wife was amazing and I loved her so much, we had two beautiful girls but over the years she seemed to hang around guys more. I found her keeping secrets from me when it came to the opposite sex.

When we were dating, she showed no sign of this behaviour and was taken by surprise after a few years of marriage. I told her I was not comfortable with these relationships she had. I look at our friends and their wives never did this to their husbands.

i didn't understand why she wanted or needed these guys in her life and started thinking she only married me for what I had and what I could give her. I used to become very frustrated at the lack of her acknowledgement that it is affecting our marriage.

We separated 4 months ago and I'm still trying to come to terms with it all. I worked my butt off for my family and shown my love that way by being the best provider. She says I know you love me, but your not in love with me. I feel like that's a cop out.

I still blame myself that I could have handled it better, but I was trying to protect my marriage...



5 Replies 5

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi lovemygirls, good to hear from you again

Beware the one that twists things to put blame on you. You were not the one that showed interest in other people.

Guilt is a problem for many. Those that suffer guilt often do so to the extent that they blame themselves even though they did no wrong. This places pressure on you that you really dont need during a time that you are reshaping your new life.

Write down your thoughts. Where you believe she went wrong, where you went wrong. How serious your actions/inaction were and hers. Try to make sense of it all. At the same time plan your future. You deserve a future, a home, a female friend etc. Move forward.

In 1996 I lived in a caravan park months after separating from my first wife. My daughters were 7 and 4yo. I returned them on Sunday arvo and was sad, as usual. I told a friend at the park that I was seriously considering getting back with her as I missed my girls so much. The old man said wisely "never go backwards and always think forward"

Best little bit of advice I ever got.

Tony WK

We hear ya LMG. From what you have told us I can totally see how you would feel shocked and hurt. If you were to suffer that much hurt to your body you would see a doctor so I hope you are doing the same for your mind. Know that the severity of your pain will pass with time and action.

Hang in there mate. Do you have any mates you can catch up with? Go and do something for yourself, something you enjoy that fills your mind with good stuff for a while.


Hi White Knight, I get what your saying but its hard to put into practice. I still love my wife after all she has done as Im a very forgiving person. I have good support from family and friends but in those quiet times is the hardest when my life is not the same.

I was I knew what I do now from all the reading Ive done on how I could have done things better.

I still feel like a failure giving my daughters an inheritance of a broken family.......

Hi Jacko, I am seeking help. It's a tough road.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear LMG, I had replied back to you much earlier but I pressed something and lost your post, so I'm so sorry.

When we marry we hope for trust and respect from our partner and it goes both ways, as we would never do anything to harm our marriage or relationship.

Sure we mix, work, participate and socialise with other people and of course we  favour, like and think that some are great looking, we all do it, but we just don't run out and have an affair with them all, every time it happens, because there is no way we could ever keep up, and honesty it would become too much.

If we see this happening we try every thing possible to please our other half, show them more affection, take them somewhere special to draw their attention back to you, but unfortunately your wife had other intentions.

It doesn't matter how good you were for her, or what you did to please her, even if you think you didn't do enough, sometimes enough is not, so you want to blame yourself, but that's not fair, it's what she wants to do.

It's not so much that you're not in love with her as she has stated, you are, it's the other way around, just as would tell these guys that she is in love with them, but her love is not actually love, it's just a loose word she throws around, maybe to take advantage of them, and get whatever she can off them.

Can I say in all honesty that she is the one that will come out being the loser, and will regret what she has done and who she has ruined. Geoff.