I overthink about my relationships

[DanGhost]

Hi! this past year has been quite hard for me as I got out of a pretty toxic relationship that ended badly.

I've recently got into a new relationship and my trauma from the previous relationship is making me overthink the little things that's going on and making me stress out of it all to the point I start to have panic attacks thinking I've done something wrong or said something wrong.

I do have undiagnosed autism bipolar and a few other things that aren't helping this at all and if anything is increasing the stress and overthinking. I want this relationship to work more than anything she makes me so happy beyond anything I have been in a long time and She is such an amazing person and I'm wanting to help my brain think and to not let it effect my relationship both of our lives are a bit chaotic right now but should be calming down in a few days I hope. with this I'm just wanting to know some ways of dealing with my overthinking and stress.

any help is very very much appreciated

[Croix]

Dear DanGhost~

Welcome here ot the Forum. I'm sorry your previous relationship was a toxic one and it it is not in the least surprising that your reactions and thoughts from that time spill over into your new relationship. It can be hard to un-learn and trust.

Actually your new partnership sounds pretty good, I hope it is like the one I'm amazingly lucky to be in. Here we do talk. I have explained about my mental health conditions, and the symptoms that come about as a result.

For instance, taking just one, an anxiety condition. This leads me to worry excessively and look at the worst that  could happen

It's hard to know if I'm having a clear view or if my anxiety is exaggerating all the down-sides.

As my partner understands this and can recognize  the  pattern of behavior she can then talk me down to  a realistic perspective.

It can be hard for a partner to realise what is a symptom. Also at times for them to realize something is in fact not their fault.

So may I suggest you simply talk frankly together and do your best to understand each other, then see what happens?

Please do come back and let us know how you go

Croix

[Guest_7403]

A couple of good rules to follow, or guides. 

When you're having an insecure moment, take a step back and ask yourself "Is this a rational thought? If not, take a breathe and ask yourself...."what is the rational thought?".

When bad memories pop up, and it triggers you in your new relationship, acknowledge the past trauma, accept that it occurred and remind yourself "this is not my present, and cannot hurt me now".

Best of luck friend.

[Shay94]

Welcome to the forum 🙂 I'm sorry to hear your past relationship was toxic. I also had one with my ex, thankfully I'm no longer with him & left after about a year. My current partner (been together for 8 years now) knows everything that happened and was a massive support to me after things ended, which was how we'd gotten close. It doesn't happen as often now but I do still have intrusive thoughts that make me overthink things or something from the past makes me wonder if I'm upsetting/making my partner angry. I've never been good at confrontations so whenever we argue, I can't help but feel ashamed/guilty for expressing my feelings as that's due to the emotional damage I had with my ex. He'd blame me for things that weren't even my fault, yet I felt guilty bout it so I constantly apologized even though I shouldn't have. My partner knows of what I've been thru and has helped me immensely learn to stand up for myself/say my piece regardless of what others think whereas I never used to be able to do that.

I find personally writing a journal to get all your thoughts out and then when its done, you can read over it & think bout things from a different perspective/maybe help make you realize there wasn't an issue to begin with. Also find hobbies that you enjoy to help distract you from these moments, otherwise it'll pull you into a spiral of dark thoughts & it'll make it harder to come out on top. Hope all this helped 🙂