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I need some advice on my relationship

prickly cactus
Community Member

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in general (things like politician's attitude can piss him off). That makes him a constant low energy level and he fails to commit things that he promised to do with me.

There are several nearly-breakup moments over our relationship mostly because of our argument about his attitude. However he regretted saying breaking up afterwards but I was heartbroken every time he did that. Last year on my birthday, we were watching tv and chilling in the house and the atmosphere were fine but later we separated for a while and he ended up with a reluctant attitude when visiting me at night. He said " I wouldn't be here if today it's not your birthday". Even the next day he apologised, it hurt me so much. I tried to communicate to sort what he need and how he is feeling and we did ok for the next 2 months.

However his strange attitude has started again lately. I invited him to our family dinner as me and my family are living in different country currently and I think it is a great chance to introduce him to my family and build the bond. He agreed to attend the day before when I asked him and on the day he said he felt shit from work and with low self-confidence and anxiety that makes him unwilling to socialise. He confessed the fact that he has been pretending to be kind to me. I was so upset with what he said cause he has been using an excuse of "not feeling great" to refuse to do what he has promised. We have just agreed to have another break on our relationship but I am not really sure if that will work if his attitude going around in-circle.

There are small difficult moments that I don't mention there. I still love my boyfriend so I dont want to give up so easily but I am also heartbroken at the same times. His mood changes so often that makes me feel so insecure about the relationship. I doubt he has any mental issue as there's a depression issue in his family history (his dad and brother suffered from depression before).

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello PC, and a warm welcome to the forums.

You have made a few different types of issues in your comment and although I'm not qualified to say, mood changes, procrastination and negatively can indicate not that he's unhappy in this relationship but he's being affected by a mental illness that either doesn't know or that he's pretending to deny.

This was exactly what happened to me, I would plan well in advance to do something but as the days drew closer I would be trying to make an excuse so I didn't have to go through with it.

His attitude could become unstable only because one trigger lead can easily lead on to creating another problem.

Has he been to see his doctor, just as we suggest you do as well who may then recommend a mental health plan, which provides 10 Medicare paid sessions?

Hope to hear back from you.


Thank for geoff. We had some chat today. He insisted our personalities are not compatible and it's not that he has mental issue but feel dissatisfied rather towards our relationship. We have decided to break up as it is hard to keep going.

Hello PC, I'm thankful for letting us know the decision.