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I need help with my relationship and an agreement.

Community Member

Hi everyone.

My girlfriend and i have a difficult situation. We had a bit of a rough time due to her anxiety and she made an agreement with me where I can only talk to her on certain days of the week (tuesday, friday and sunday) and im not allowed to see her unless she says so. This agreement will last until the end of the month when she comes back from a holiday in Bali and then she will make a decision if she wants to continue with the relationship or call it a day.

To set the picture..She has some very bad anxiety and she had been sent a message by a coworker of mine accusing me of cheating with some fake facebook messages showing some a conversation between myself and the coworker. The conversation, although fabricated did a lot of damage to my girlfriends trust since I had not told her that I was helping a fellow coworker with a troublesome situation at work considering im a manager and her anxiety at the time was getting pretty bad. My reasoning for not telling her about what was happening was that I felt as if I couldnt talk to her without her over-reacting about the situation and her brain having a meltdown. In the past she has though she has had a few people say to her that I was only with her because I was rebounding (I certainly was not I really love this girl a lot) and that has affected her thought patterns on me as well. This agreement has also caused a lot of anxiety for me as well since she still tells me that she loves me and that she wants things to be better but at the same time I receive a lot of mixed signals from her in the sense that one day she can say one thing and then the next she will say the complete opposite.

I dont know if she has spoken to her psychologist about the agreement but I have spoken to my friends and my family and they all suggested that I run for the hills as quick as what I can...Although i cant just give up on her because my love for her is so overwhelming that I will feel like I have failed her if I did that. I dont pretend when I tell her that I love her unconditionally and i honestly do want to spend the rest of my life with her but I honestly need all the help I can get with this.

Tomorrow her and I are going to play some Mini Golf and do some bowling and shes already worried that her anxiety isnt going to let up and let her enjoy her day. I honestly just want her to enjoy her day and see how much I love her and come back from this mess.

Thank you for the help in advance. I appreciate it

11 Replies 11

Hi Topgunferrari

Thanks for letting us know how you are getting on.

I imagine the day of her cousin's party might have been tough for you. I hope you got through it okay.

Sounds like it's time to leave things be for awhile and see how you both feel about that. Life has a way of unravelling and taking us places we never thought we'd be. See where it takes you. Stay strong.

Hi Summer Rose.

Thank you again for the reply. So they day of the party was a difficult one yes but I got through it more than ok. Anyways the night after the party I think she had a pretty bad night and it might have been an anxiety attack or food poisoning but she got sent home from work because she was vomiting. We had a bit of a conversation and things were good or so I had thought. Anyways she asked if i could take her in to work on the monday because her car was still at work and I complied and drove her in still thinking things were good. Although I had noticed she had been avoiding a lot of things I decided to back off. Anyways throughout the week things got progressively worse. After her pyschologist appointment on wednesday she said something quite nasty to me in a sense that made me feel as if it was my fault that she was seeing a psychologist and it made me feel as if I was an abusive partner. After seeing the message on messenger I had to make the tough decision of taking the back seat. I told her that I was sorry and that I loved her very much and even the side of her that hated me. In a sense I think I took responsibility for her situation even though I know I am not the only person to blame for her anxiety but I love her enough to take that burden on. Once I had told her that I stopped messaging her and I decided that it would be better for me to get on with my day to day life and let her live her life in the peace she deserves. I believe that she was trying to fix our relationship but also she was also trying to get better too and if one day she decided that she would like to come back I would be waiting with arms wide open.

Right now im starting life all over again. I have to make some friends of my own since I dont really have many. Im also continuing some training that I started towards my dream career and im working towards getting a job in the aviation industry so that I can put my commercial pilots license to good use and hopefully make a difference in other peoples lives and hopefully eventually change someones life for the better as some people have changed mine. Currently things in on my home front arent too good but they will get better in time as the always seem to. I havent given up hope on her or myself but there is a big world out there waiting for this young 27 year old pilot to explore and if by chance one day I get to meet one of you kind folk...well then we will know that we made this world a better place together!