I have no one in my life - lonely

[Flamingo1989]

Hi everyone I'm new and need to share my story with someone. I am 40 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I have no friends only work colleagues I make small talk with. My mum is dying of cancer and my dad married to her for 40+ years is falling apart. My brother wife hates me. She doesn't understand who I am or what I suffer from. I don't have a close relationship with my brother and don't get to see my niece and nephew because my sister in law won't allow it. I live alone with my 2 cats. Quite frankly as of now I feel so afraid and alone. I fear how I will ever feel normal like everyone else on society. I struggle to hold my minimum wage job and will most likely lose this too next year. I feel like I have lost everything. I have recently learnt in the past 5 years that life is brutal and even the people who say they love you and will never leave your side, do eventually. I find it extremely difficult socially and have crippling anxiety. What is the point of going on? Life is only going to get worse. How can I manage? I suffer from BPD. Being alone is my biggest fear. The nightmare is real.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Flamingo1989,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

[Guest_1643]

hi flamingo, how are u doing today

that sounds so awful. I understand BPD as a chronic form of PTSD... and canbe very hard.
i hope u dont lose ur job and find good support here on the forums, and in ur life....

i have met so many ppl in their 30s nd 40s who dont have friends or have never had a partner.

i'm not all tht different, although i have had partners when i was younger, i have not dated anyone for four years.

I think sometimes though with the flow of life these things can change, but i know it is hard to see it at the time. Just know that you are not alone. No one here is judging, but we are open to letting u speak and vent as you need.

sending care,

sleepy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Flamingo

A very warm welcome, and thank you for sharing your story. I imagine that wasn’t easy but we’re grateful you’ve joined us here. You’ll find like minds here, with many of us experiencing mental health challenges and loneliness. There is community here, and you’re welcome to be a part of it in whatever way you choose.

I imagine it must be especially difficult dealing with many challenges at once, as you are. May I ask if you’re receiving mental health support at all? Someone to stand by you through these challenges?

Sending caring thoughts to you today, from a fellow anxious woman in her 40’s with two cats! I feel that with support, and if we can hold onto some hope, things can get better. And if you can’t hang onto hope right now, I’ll hold onto some for you. Hope to hear from you again. Katy

[Flamingo1989]

Thankyou Katy your support means alot. I only see my dr and psychologist once a week but I've been seeing them for so long it doesn't work. I feel it's always the same advice and I have so much trouble trying to follow their advice. It almost feels like nothing works. I'm hoping at least speaking to like minded people on this forum will at least make me feel like I have a friend to talk too. The cats keep me company but it's just not the same. Hope you are ok Katy ❤

[Flamingo1989]

Thankyou so much Sleepy. I cannot believe how many people have sent such lovely messages. It's bitter sweet to know that I'm not the only one in the same boat as me. I just hope I don't break and find the strength to build confidence and a better life for myself. At the moment everything seems so stressful. My blood pressure is so high and I panic at night especially as I hate being alone and have trouble sleeping. Hope you are ok

[Flamingo1989]

Thankyou Sophie I will utilise the services if needed. Just putting feelers out at the moment hoping to make friends and talk to people who understand what I'm going through.

[golden82]

Hi Flamingo,

Beautiful name by the way 🙂 I am glad the other ladies have reached out to you already. I have just seen your post now and wow - I am almost the same as you with re to family. And being alone. I am 38yo and have abusive, family that have shut me out - for around 10 years that it has been complete shut out of excluded/not told about major family things. Same - all because my brothers wife (SIL) has a jealous hatred of me. She did not allow me to their wedding (all done without telling me - his only sibling); and they have at least one child a little boy who turned 3yo the other day - (also not told about and not allowed to ever meet). It breaks me - I am broken. I can hear it through your words too.

SIL is from o/seas and has used this to threaten my family with moving back etc and never seeing my brother and child/ren. My parents do everything for them, including financially, in part due to this fear. This includes shutting me out and thus I am estranged from them. I have tried talking with my Mum in the past - but she 'chooses' to go along with all their secrets, lies and exclusion of me, she plays a victim - despite me crying and telling her how much it hurts me, and begging her to stop. Am learning she is a narc too. Which I have always defended her - but it is undeniable now. How a mother can choose a DIL over her own daughter is beyond me.

I also have no friends. I use these forums to read, and sometimes post - it is a pretty safe arena to feel less alone and get support if you need. I am glad you have your 2 cats - that would be a blessing for you. They will love you unconditionally - which is what we all deserve.

I have had relationships but have always chosen narc type boyfriends who use and do more harm than good. I have been single a long time now as I feel I need to protect myself from ppl. So perhaps it is not such a bad thing you have not been in a relationship. Whilst a healthy one would be good - many are not and can make an already bad situation feel even worse. There are many of us who are single/alone as you will read on here - and I hope that this helps you see that you are not alone in this.

I don't really have any help I am sorry. But hope that just the connection helps you in a small way. And know it is not you/your fault - but it is a problem with your SIL (same as for me). It is hard not to blame yourself - but keep reminding yourself it is not you. All the very best.

From Golden 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi Golden,  Thank you for posting, it's so good to see community members finding shared experience and offering support.   Estrangement from family members can really take its toll, so we want to make sure you know that we're here to support you. We know it's easy to become, or feel, isolated, but please know that you are not alone. You can call us on 1300 22 4636 at any time, day or night.  Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi again

Totally get what you mean about pets being good company but not the same as human companionship.

Im wondering if perhaps when you chat to your psych or gp next that you could express what you’ve said here “it’s always the same thing, hard to follow, not working for me”. Maybe that would prompt them to work differently with you. Just an idea. I get my psych to write me “homework”, and I always remind her when she forgets.

Have you spoken to your gp about having trouble sleeping? Lack of restful sleep can impact our mood too. There are some good apps to help with sleep, and also natural remedies.

Hope today looks a bit brighter than yesterday. Freezing and rainy here! How’s it where you are? Katy