I have a problem with lying
I don't know whether this the right thread to post in but here goes
Im really lost at the moment and am just needing some sort of help. My girlfriends and my relationship has been destroyed because of my lying and dishonesty. I feel like I lie to get out of trouble most of the time but it's now got to the stage where I am creating scenarios in my head to try and cover my lying or at least, excuse it. I had emotionally cheated on my girlfriend a few months back and instead of telling her straight away I decided to keep it a secret until a few weeks ago. It wasn't until she fessed up about doing something which she regretted that I had the guts to tell her. I knew that I should have told her straight away and over time the guilt of keeping a secret like that started to build up. But even still, I didn't tell the whole story, just parts of it. I was scared of how it would have effected her but I think I am more scared of the repercussions. She values honesty above anything else and she is always honest with me even if she knows it will hurt my feelings and I respect that about her but I can't seem to do the same back. It's been going on for the entire 6 years that we have been together that I would tell little white lies to get out of trouble or to avoid conflict with her. This time though was the last straw with her because of the cheating and the lying about it. I've just had enough of being this person who can't be honest with the one person they should be completely honest with. I just don't know what to do to get better.
Welcome to the forums and good on you for speaking from the heart in your post! I am sorry for the distress you are experiencing in your relationship with your girlfriend and the pain you have been going through
Can I ask you what you mean by having 'emotionally cheated' on your girlfriend ? If you wish to elaborate we can provide a better response 🙂
The forums are a safe and non judgmental place for you to post Collie32
you are not alone where relationship issues are concerned
my kind thoughts
What I mean by emotionally cheating is that I was engaging in the attention I was receiving from another woman. It was flirtatious and it felt like she was coming on to me and I allowed it to happen. I should have told her to stop because I have a girlfriend but I didn't. It happened on two seperate occasions too which makes it worse. Some people might think it's not a big deal because nothing physical happened but for us it is. But I know that I will never do that again because I know how disrespectful it is to my partner, it's just the lying that I am really struggling to wrap my head around. I just want it to stop.
Collie this is the right place tompodt znd thanks so much h fir sharing your story here
You have been honest here which is a first step.
Some people find it hard to be honest you themselves but you have managed that so well done.
You have insights into lying which many people do not.
“I didn't tell the whole story, just parts of it. I was scared of how it would have effected her but I think I am more scared of the repercussions.”
To admit you were more worried about how the truth would affect you than your girlfriend is a real insight that manynliars can not ever admit or even see.
Would be able to talk to your doctor as a starting point to get help.
the fact you want to get help and acknowledge you have a problem is a good start.
I used to lie and make up stories about myself because I did not like who I was. I would make up more lies to cover up old lies and not admit I had a problem. It was only when I se how No one trusted me that I started to change.
if you use the search engine on the top of thi she page you will see other threads on lying that may help you.
collie, well done fir opening up, if you want to post here ,fel free to do so as much as you like.
Thanks for the support and yeah I have seen a few other threads on here about lying which is why I decided to share. I just am wondering what the next step is to try to get better and stop this dishonest behaviour. I thought that maybe there might be a few other people who have had the same experiences that have sought help that could enlighten me with what steps they took to change their behaviours.
Is there anyone that I can see or is there something that I have to do that may be able to help or is this really a battle that I have to fight within myself?
there are different liars, including pathological, compulsive liars.
Would you consider seeing a psychologist who is experienced in this area, so they can help you. I think you need a help from a professional who can see if there is a reason and then help you change your behaviour. It may be hard work for you and it will possibly take some time to learn new behaviours and change old ones.
A first step maybe seeinf your doctor Nd getting a referral to a psychologist.
Let us know how you go, You can post here as much as possible.