I drove away an amazing man and I’m not coping

[Unloved84]

I met the most amazing man. We had the same morals, goals, interests etc. And he was interested in me. He cared for his family, animals, was funny and kind.

He wanted a serious relationship and sounded like a great partner.

I was going through a rough patch, so before our firs date I told him I’m not ready to date and I wished him all the best. He accepted it at first, but then hours later said he is there for me if i needed. He said he is ‘the real deal’

Long story short we met up and just clicked. I was smitten and he said he could see me becoming his girlfriend. But my self esteem is so bad that I was closed off. I told him I had bad experiences and he said so did he. He said he can see us becoming serious quickly and wants to help me feel happy and confident again.

But then he said he feels uncertain and that he only said all those nice things because he was thinking with his man parts. And that me being closed off is giving him doubts. That he wants to see the real me. He would still say ‘can you see yourself dating an English chef ?’ Hinting that he wanted to date me. I showed him my affection with telling him what I like about him, paying for our dates and lots of affection. He did walk out of work and cried at the beach before our first date, which he messaged me about before we even met.

he messaged me all day and every day, showed interest in who I was as a person. We talked about going on a short trip and other travels

we didn’t have sex until almost a month in. I got us a hotel room and it was so nice. He cooked for me, we cuddled, laughed and went to the pool and he said he wanted to spend 2018 still seeing me

The next morning I got anxiety. I panicked and he asked what was wrong. He said he was still uncertain about me that morning and it triggered me. I’m used to men losing interest at this point. He said before he was so scared of hurting me because he is uncertain.

when I expressed my insecurities he got annoyed and backed away. At one point I playfully backed him against the fridge (gently) and tickled him because he was mocking me. We play fought before. He hugged me hard and said my insecurities are pushing him awau.

But he reassured me that we will still meet and talk. He hugged and kissed me and said not to worry. We left and he texted me that afternoon still.

the next morning he blocked me on all social media. I messed up something that could have been amazing. He was such a good guy.

[white knight]

Hi unloved, welcome

We all have the "one that got away". Even happily married at 61yo for 7 years, i still think of a girl i dated when in the air force at 18!

So, moving on is the best thing because he is entitled to shut you out. His decision.

The best healer is dating other guys. You might find a guy with more endurace and patience.

Distract yourself and have fun.

Tony WK

[bindi-QLD]

Hi Unloved84,

I'm sorry that you went through that:( It doesn't sound like you messed anything up to me. You were wonderful and caring, and honest about how you felt. That is a healthy and attractive way to be. And its very likely he found you to be lovely, but had some other reasons for being unavailable.

I wanted to say that I lived with a chef boyfriend for many years. We had an English chef flatmate for a time, and I met many other chefs through them. They were very insecure about girlfriends. They work long hours, nights, and holidays, and work is generally insecure. Many had experiences of being rejected because of their girlfriend's loneliness. And I can say, as an ex-partner of chef, it really was terribly lonely. You don't have much time with them. Noone to go home to at night after work, no real future to look forward to. All the chefs I knew talked about this.

Anyway, Although he seemed very nice, you were also spared a very lonely life. I hope that the next nice man you meet will be in a better position. Keep being you, and you'll eventually find the right person, in the right life situation.

X

[Jessicatherese94]

Hi Unloved, thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the forums. I definitely agree that you should try and move on and find someone who is more consistent and makes you feel more secure. The fact that he can hug and kiss you and then abruptly block you on social media the next day is a huge red flag, and I think you can do a lot better than someone who is fickle like that. Have you thought about ways that you can improve your self-esteem? If you're feeling very negative and down about yourself you could go to your local GP who can organise a mental health care plan for you and you could see a psychologist. You sound like a lovely person who deserves a relationship, it's really important that you believe you're deserving of that! Let me know what you think. Sending you love.

[Ellie05]

Hi Hun,

I'm going to be honest here - this guy sounds like a dick to me. The fact that he just blocked you on social media with no explanation as to why is childish and unfair. It almost makes me wonder if he's one of those guys who considers bedding women to be a game that they want to win.

I know it's really hard right now and the rejection is so fresh but I don't think you should be blaming yourself for this. You were right to be careful with your heart and to be honest about this with him. Finding love is so hard because we have to make ourselves so vulnerable in the process. Hopefully the next guy you let your guard down with will actually be the 'real deal'.