I dont know how to take this

[LittleCherubs]

We were at my family yesterday for a birthday. My husband had one of my nephews' Nerf guns and was shooting me with it. I asked him numerous times to stop but he didnt. I asked him if he heard me and he said he did but just didnt listen.

I dont know if he is being childish or something else 😞

He has also set up a game now that when we play cards, the winner gets 15 mins of time to spend on favours and his are always sexual and I just dont have the interest. I feel too afraid to say no to him as im afraid to make him angry. I only agreed to do this so he wouldnt get angry and we wouldnt fight about the loss of sexual intimacy in our relationship (because of me).

I dont know if I should be seeking advice from a service like 1800 RESPECT or to just play along so i dont rock the boat......

[Terry73]

A marriage counselor might help here as well, not to keep you together, but more to get a clearer view on things, clearer view means decisions are more informed and considered.

Obviously when you can afford to do so of course

Terry

[LittleCherubs]

We have tried a marriage counselling and i think we might have to do it again.

We had another heated discussion last night and in the end, he told me to literally get over it. He said that I have breached his trust in the past (back in about 2009) when I used his credit card to pay my rent. He forgave me for that and moved on so i need to.

I left that discussion feeling like the bad guy

[Doolhof]

Hi LittleCherubs,

It does sound like you are in a situation you don't like and don't seem to know how to improve it, or if you want to actually leave.

Do you have a safe place you could go to for a few days to have a bit of space to work things out?

If you were to leave, could you look after yourself independent of him? Would you need to put things in place to make this possible?

It does not help to bring up issues from the past and fling them into each other's faces. It means that hurts and mistrust from those instances still exist for you both.

Hopefully you can get in to see a marriage counsellor. Was it helpful in the past?

It may help to make a list of the disadvantages of living together and the advantages of separating. What you like about him and what you don't like. Review the lists in a couple of days and see how you are feeling then.

All the best, cheers from Dools

[LittleCherubs]

It was somewhat helpful.

Part of me wants to stay for the kids (4 and almost 3). I dont know if I can just uproot them and leave everything behind, changing daycare centres, etc

Im just so confused

[To_Old_For_This]

LittleCherub's I hope things are easing for you.

It's okay if you choose to stay with this man. You shouldn't feel pressured to leave. If you are confused, you are not ready to make any major decisions and that's okay.

What is important is that you put some personal and relationship boundaries in place. You need to let him know what you are willing to accept in your relationship and what you're not.

It is okay to say, I am not okay with you talking to other women online. That is stepping outside of our relationship. You don't have accept that.

Marriage counselling would be great if you can both agree, but in the meantime, maybe you can sit down with pen and paper and each write down what you will and won't accept. What hurts you. How important various issues are to each of you.

I feel you need to be able to respect each others feelings for what the other wants/needs and that feeds respect and trust for each other. That doesn't mean you need to accept something that makes your feel hurt or threatened in anyway.