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I don't know if I should stay or go?

Community Member
I have been married for over a many years and things seem ok for a while then they get bad again. Right now he won't talk to me and we are sleeping separately. He constantly threatens to leave and sell the house (in his name only even though I well and truly pay my way) When he is in a mood and I try to talk to him he gives me the silent treatment, or if he does answer it is a grunt or really rude and abrupt. He ignores our youngest, 10 year old child (older kids already out of home) and shows no interest when he is in a mood. He also smokes pot and when he has run out he is horrible to be around. I am trying to do everything, I work 2 jobs, study, run my child to sports etc and try to pay all the bills. He leaves it all to me. Then complains when we have no money. And he makes it seem like it is all my fault. I don't go out, drink, smoke, buy things for myself. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I don't want to be next him. I just want to hide in my room and stay out of his way. I stayed all this time for my kids. I feel like I do all the work, i get nothing much back. I've is fine if he has a smoke but feel like I am living with someone with a split personality.
3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

Of course we can’t advise you one way or the other what you should do. However, a visit to a family solicitor can advise you what approximately you would be entitled to if you did seek a divorce in terms of percentage of the estate. Just because the house is in his name doesn’t guarantee he gets it all.

At the end of the day you should evaluate if you can see a happy future with him.


Community Member

Hi, I feel your pain and understand your situation completely. It doesn't matter if the house isn't in your name you are entitled to get half regardless. I would highly recommend going through mediation first if you are going down that path rather than straight to court. Speaking from experience, court is lengthy, emotional, mentally taxing and expensive and not always the best option.

All the best

Community Member

Good morning Bellbell

Your home life sounds horrible. Nobody should ever be expected to live like that and expect to be happy. If you have already emotionally checked out of the marriage and are ready to end it, you should see a counsellor. I recommend you do this by yourself. Get some energy and and a plan by talking to a family counsellor.

You will also need legal advice. The counsellor should also advise you how to contact a legal person. Don’t worry about who owns what. When you are married, the courts adopt the position that all assets are joint owned and if a settlement has to be ordered they will make a decision based on need and child responsibilities.

Take one step at a time in a time frame that suits you. Good luck.