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I'd really love some help...

Community Member
Hi All.....I've been married to a really good man for 29 yrs & we have three adult children. From very early in our relationship he would give me the silent treatment when upset rather than talk about things. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father & an emotionally absent mother, & 6 siblings. All varying degrees of complicated coming from our parents. I am quite emotional & probably the very opposite to my mum. I miss our three children so much. I didn't drink alcohol really until I was 48 & I had an op plus alot of different stressors, marriage, work, difficult neighbours, my kids grew up etc & I started drinking wine about 5 yrs ago. At first it was a little, I then got quite dependent on it & would get black out drunk. I am drinking less & try not to buy it. I last about 4 days then I buy more. My husband hates it & says he's done.I am so sorry for the grief I've caused because of this. I am off work at the moment which makes it harder. I try not to go out because then I'm tempted to buy a bottle. I suffer quite bad anxiety & depression in vary forms. Always have. I asked my husband to please hang in there & I'll try my hardest not to buy any. I hate that its so readily available. My childhood was so affected by alcohol & now I feel so ashamed that I'm drinking. I've tried so many things. Even a few months in rehab. I feel so lost without being a mum of my littlies. I miss them so much 😞
4 Replies 4

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
It's not our fault how we are influenced by our childhood. But having an understanding of how it impacts our everyday life is important. It's not easy to come out of our bad habits which we seek to escape from our troubles. Its easy to grab a bottle of wine and drink to forget everything but it's only temporary. If you are looking for permanent solution then it requires commitment and dedication. I have listed few things below and worked for me and I still use when I feel like I need to escape to feel better. Always remember you are bigger than the situation, you can control the situation if you have right tools to support you mentally. Here are some things you can do to strengthen your emotional well-being. Try any or all these...
- Guided meditation
- Yoga
- Listen to recorded spiritual talks on YouTube (there are so many you have to find the one that interests you)
- Read emotional well-being books (borrow from library)
- Join community clubs
- Pick up a hobby that you always wanted to do and didn't have time or money

Community Member

THANK YOU so much T@40. Its so nice to get a caring comment back. Yes I have to keep right away from the wine. Its ruins everything.Being off work at present is hard but I think I am going to see if I can volunteer at a local nursing home for abit.

Many thanks.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi SisterKiKi

My heart goes out to you as you try to cope with the incredibly tough challenges you're facing.

Personally, I was a relatively heavy drinker during my years in depression. When I finally escaped those 15 years of mental hell, the drinking suddenly stopped. These days, I might only have a few drinks a year. To this day, my husband will still tell people what a 'great' drinker I was and how I could drink just about any guy under the table (like it's something to be proud of). I've asked him not to talk about my drinking history like this as it's something I'd been a little ashamed of. I say 'I'd been' because I have learned to be kinder to myself. SisterKiKi, the drinking is nothing to be ashamed of when we come to understand the real reason behind it. At the end of the day, it's simply a way of changing our mind (aka changing the way our brain is working). It works until it doesn't, when it starts getting out of control.

By the way, if I could, I'd scrap the concept of shame altogether yet leave guilt alone. As I say to my teenage son and daughter 'Guilt is not there to make us suffer, it's there to have us ask 'Who do I want to be from this moment onward?' I remind them that guilt is like a signpost and without it we would be far less conscious when it comes to choosing the paths in life which serve us best. Guilt asks that we STOP and reassess where we're headed. Shame serves no purpose at all, other than sufferance. To be graphic, shame is like a festering sore on the human psyche.

You mention you've tried so many things, in the way of addressing the drinking. Wondering if you've tried addressing the depression and anxiety instead of the drinking (tackling the issue from an entirely different angle). In comparing drinking to self-medicating, it becomes about addressing the cause of the dis-ease as opposed to addressing the medication. Mind, body and energy (aka spirit) dis-ease or unease are often tied in together. In treating only 1 or 2 aspects of the triad, imbalance still remains, unease still remains. Wondering if, in rehab, they only address mind and body. I'm not familiar with the process.

Anyhow SisterKiKi, please be kinder to your self as you try to navigate through the challenges of depression and anxiety. You have come a long way on your path to knowing your most authentic self, much further than what you may believe. I pray you find the guidance and enlightenment which create a clearer path ahead for you.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello SisterKiKi, can I offer you a warm welcome.

T@40 thank you so much for your lovely reply.

I really am so sorry for the situation you are in because I can relate to it.

My wife would do the same, married 25 years, but also give me the silent treatment for a couple of days, so again I understand how you are feeling.

The temptation to go out and buy some alcohol is so strong, it has a pulling effect just to nick out and buy a bottle while nobody is around, then have a drink which does what you want, but then feel guilty for doing so, then how do you explain the alcohol on your breath and how you can't do anything while you've been drinking.

It's catch 22.

Going to rehab always pleases those close to you but as soon as you come out it's back to cupboard drinking.

I have to go out but hope you can reply.