I'd really love some help...
- Guided meditation
- Listen to recorded spiritual talks on YouTube (there are so many you have to find the one that interests you)
- Read emotional well-being books (borrow from library)
- Join community clubs
- Pick up a hobby that you always wanted to do and didn't have time or money
My heart goes out to you as you try to cope with the incredibly tough challenges you're facing.
Personally, I was a relatively heavy drinker during my years in depression. When I finally escaped those 15 years of mental hell, the drinking suddenly stopped. These days, I might only have a few drinks a year. To this day, my husband will still tell people what a 'great' drinker I was and how I could drink just about any guy under the table (like it's something to be proud of). I've asked him not to talk about my drinking history like this as it's something I'd been a little ashamed of. I say 'I'd been' because I have learned to be kinder to myself. SisterKiKi, the drinking is nothing to be ashamed of when we come to understand the real reason behind it. At the end of the day, it's simply a way of changing our mind (aka changing the way our brain is working). It works until it doesn't, when it starts getting out of control.
By the way, if I could, I'd scrap the concept of shame altogether yet leave guilt alone. As I say to my teenage son and daughter 'Guilt is not there to make us suffer, it's there to have us ask 'Who do I want to be from this moment onward?' I remind them that guilt is like a signpost and without it we would be far less conscious when it comes to choosing the paths in life which serve us best. Guilt asks that we STOP and reassess where we're headed. Shame serves no purpose at all, other than sufferance. To be graphic, shame is like a festering sore on the human psyche.
You mention you've tried so many things, in the way of addressing the drinking. Wondering if you've tried addressing the depression and anxiety instead of the drinking (tackling the issue from an entirely different angle). In comparing drinking to self-medicating, it becomes about addressing the cause of the dis-ease as opposed to addressing the medication. Mind, body and energy (aka spirit) dis-ease or unease are often tied in together. In treating only 1 or 2 aspects of the triad, imbalance still remains, unease still remains. Wondering if, in rehab, they only address mind and body. I'm not familiar with the process.
Anyhow SisterKiKi, please be kinder to your self as you try to navigate through the challenges of depression and anxiety. You have come a long way on your path to knowing your most authentic self, much further than what you may believe. I pray you find the guidance and enlightenment which create a clearer path ahead for you.
Hello SisterKiKi, can I offer you a warm
T@40 thank you so much for your lovely reply.
I really am so sorry for the situation you are in because I can relate to it.
My wife would do the same, married 25 years, but also give me the silent treatment for a couple of days, so again I understand how you are feeling.
The temptation to go out and buy some alcohol is so strong, it has a pulling effect just to nick out and buy a bottle while nobody is around, then have a drink which does what you want, but then feel guilty for doing so, then how do you explain the alcohol on your breath and how you can't do anything while you've been drinking.
It's catch 22.
Going to rehab always pleases those close to you but as soon as you come out it's back to cupboard drinking.
I have to go out but hope you can reply.