How to keep the relationship going
I will try and keep this semi short, but here it is
My partner and I have been together for nearly 8 years, I have a 11yo from a previous encounter (partner came into the picture when my son was 4yo and he has been daddy ever since) and we have a 4yo daughter together.
My son has previously been diagnosed ADHD and has been medicated for the last couple of years.
The crux of everything really is that my partner doesn’t feel like myself or my parents (who look after the kids during the week while we are at work) are punishing my son effectively. He feels that my son pretty much gets away with everything and there are no consequences to his actions.
I admit that I probably haven’t been as effective In punishment as I could be and I am looking to get it rectified. I try not to use it as an excuse, but I have tried to explain to my partner that I have been doing the best that I can, considering I work full time and I am also the one that cooks and does the household stuff, I get tired!!
Now here is what my main issues is, my partner has basically said that because of the ongoing issues with my son and his behaviour, it is affecting his relationship with me!
There is no affection whatsoever between us, I gave up a while ago trying for any intimacy at all (this includes things like hand holding, cuddling etc) and feel like we are pretty much housemates living together.
Added factors include my partner working away regularly and having medical conditions that does make him tired.
Now my question is, is he using the issues with my son as an excuse not to deal with the relationship? He seems to think that once we get things sorted with my son, our relationship will get back on track.
My feeling is that even though we are going through things with my son, it shouldn’t stop us from having our relationship, being together and being intimate!
I am at a loss and could use someone’s advice.
P.s-i am going back to the paediatrician for further advice, partner doesnt want to
I understand your apprehension. I'd like you to concentrate on one reality- that staying together by chance of effort on both part, counselling and the like or separating, two possible outcomes, either one will provide a better future. The latter will take some time to readjust, to overcome the grief and re-establish your self worth and so on but it will result in a better more harmonious life.
I agree with everything that you have said and I am being realistic about what either of the outcomes! As much as dont want the relationship to end, i can only fight for it so much on my own. Either way we cannot keep going as we are and i dont want our kids to have two miserable parents.
I have now asked him to come to relationship counselling, so the ball is in his court!