How do I let go?

[Nene]

How do I stop wanting to contact me husband and son. It is clear they both don't want anything to do with me. Neither will answer their phones. My husband is going to visit my son and grandchildren for a couple of days. I want to be in a space where it doesn't matter. I have to accept that the situation is what it is. I just am finding it hard to get to that place where it doesn't matter and doesn't hurt.  How is it though when they say and do really hurtful things that they cut off contact? In a general sense, why do people do that?

[Nene]

Today my GP diagnosed me with profound depression, possibly bipolar, disassociative borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I now have a mental health plan. I've told my son and (ex) husband. My son has sent me a text which was quite friendly, given his previous write off of me. My husband just said in a text that our relationship is over and how much he resents me and that this diagnosis does not excuse my behaviour (which was as described in my earlier posts ie that I wanted to try and reconcile. So there is a lot of work to do. I'm not shocked by the diagnosis. Since my eldest boy died I've put on a coping front. Now I can let go of that and start to heal the shattered me.

[geoff]

dear Nene, I've followed this post and many good points have been made, but your husband has run off with a young girl, that's his fault, but they never last that long, again his problem and not yours, and to even think about any reconciliation wouldn't be a wise choice, because he will only do it again and again.

I'm sorry about your eldest son passing away and perhaps this could be a large concern for you, and has caused so many problems for yourself, but in turn your other son maybe wanting to patch up the relationship, which I hope he does.

I can't understand what your husband has said ' this diagnosis does not excuse my behaviour', well how wrong can he be, because firstly he doesn't want to even contemplate or accept this, nor does he want to.

We'd be interested in how you go. Geoff. x

[pipsy]

Dear Nene.  I was so sorry to learn about your diagnoses.  However, as you say, you now have a mental health plan, good on you.  I'm pleased you got a positive response from your son.  As for your ex, I wouldn't even waste a moment on him.  While the diagnosis doesn't excuse your behaviour, it certainly explains a lot of the reasons.  Now that you know what your situation is, you can at least rebuild a relationship with son and DIL.  Your husband unfortunately has no idea what you're talking about re: mental health.  He's obviously too selfish to consider the Hell he's put you through, not to mention losing your other son.  You've had to weather so many storms during your marriage and separation, I'm so thankful you're getting the help and support you need.  As Geoff pointed out, your ex is so selfish, the minute he hits a 'snag', he runs.  He doesn't sound terribly stable, you need a good network of support.  You would never get that from him.  I'm hoping you will get through this and come out better, stronger. 

All the very best to you, keep in touch.  You're not alone, always remember that.  Love Pip. xox.

[Paul]

Hi Nene,

Things seem to be moving forward and you're getting help - that's really great, except for your husband. Looks like he really has called it off and now it's time to accept that and get well.

Stay strong in your resolve but let yourself have the sad emotions.

Take care and drop in again soon and let us know how things are going.

Paul  xx

[Nene]

Thank you very much for replying. I feel very supported by you all. I am slowly accepting my marriage is over. I've been out today with my sister. We had fun and enjoyed the sunshine. A good beginning.

love to you all xxxx

[Jacko777]

Love to you too Nene.

That's a great beginning Nene, as you know it takes time and persistence to get through these things, but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the sunshine as well, I hope you make plans to do it every day. I am so glad that you have a mental health plan, you know we will gladly be a part of your journey of recovery...if it helps. There is no sun without shade...it's your time for some sun.

Jack xx