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How can I make this right?

Community Member
Hi,my partner and I have been together for a little over a year now, we got together before that but I was not in a good place myself and treated her terribly...we broke up and when we saw each other again that spark was still there and we hit it off. I told her I would do everything in my power to make it up to her and I'm worth a second chance. We have been plagued with problems through the last year, medical issues, kids behavioural issues, ex partners making things hard, financial worries just to name a few. again I have not been easy to deal with because of my wanting Her to always make me feel better and say the right things, she obviously had her own issues and was not Able to give me what I needed so we fell into the Pursue-withdraw cycle instead of me at the time being able to say "hey this is the woman you love and you need to start working together and supporting each other"we used to have a crazy good sex life and I've always missed that, in the past 6 months there have been 2 occasions where we have gotten pretty drunk and later that night in bed she has initiated something sexual which I responded to but in fact she was more or less asleep and does not remember that. she has lost all trust and thinks that I could do this to her at any point, I think it had scarred her so badly she now has drepression. It all came to a head recently when she told me she thinks of it everyday and it's too hard for her and she does not want to be with me anymore. I love this woman more than anything and would do anything for her....In he past 2 months I have tried to make it all about her, cooking ,cleaning , foot rubs just constant attention to show she is worth it but it has not worked.can anyone help?
2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Peter,

Those chores wont heal the scar.

This is a complex relationship issue that needs professional relationship counseling.

I suggest contacting Relationships Australia


Tony WK

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Peter

Thanks for taking the time to share what is going on with you.

Have you told your partner how you feel and how you want everything to be better? Have you both acknowledged that it has been a difficult period of time with external pressures? I think that those sorts of conversations are helpful - as hard as they are to have.

It is great that you feel so much love for your partner and I agree with Tony's thoughts, the next step might be to initiate some counselling with an expert. Is that something you have tried before?

My husband and I saw someone for about six months and we found it really useful. We have also both separately seen a psychologist for other things we both have gone through.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Blue Jane