Hi Nm123
My heart goes out to you!
Wondering if you're feeling cheated in regard to the time and care you've put into the marriage and you're down, now that you feel it's been somewhat one sided. If this is the case, it can be an incredibly challenging realisation to be facing.
Also wondering if something has finally clicked in you when it comes to the idea that he's not recognised the truth in regard to how amazing you are. I feel like you're someone who's looking for the truth, someone who leans toward greater consciousness and growth, beyond the verbal abuse, beyond what your husband offers you. I believe, from what you've written, that you hope to find more beyond what it is you currently face. The question becomes about where to start looking. You know not to look to him, someone you see as degrading, seeing you want to graduate up out of the depression you now find yourself in. By the way, it's a self-esteem booster when you become a human life detector. For example: If someone says to you 'You're hopeless!' and you feel suddenly overwhelmed with sadness, that sadness or terrible feeling within is an alarm bell going off. It's a lie. If someone says 'You lift my spirits!' and this leads you to feel joy, especially when you can see the truth of this statement expressed on their face, you will automatically feel this as the truth. Takes a bit of practice to be able to get a feel for lies and truths.
You've come to a truly great place here, where the folk on the forums are about supporting each other, lifting each other up, helping each other graduate through greater awareness and through the recognition of the battles being fought within some monumental challenges.
A warm welcome to you!
