Help Needed - Boyfriend with Depression

[ChronicLearner]

Hi All,

I need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have just moved into a new place. We have a puppy and a cat together and have been mostly happy for the 4 years with a few ups and downs as all relationships have.

My partner has suffered from depression for the last 10 years and it hasnt been the most well managed either. He recently just told me he had been diagnosed with biploar as well.

In the last 6 months, my partner has changed friendship groups and I have noticed more of a change in him such as, prioritising them, doing drugs often and going away on boys weekends.

He told me out of the blue this week he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore, as in our lives together but he still loves me, he just wants to make sure he knows 100% sure he wants our life. I was completely shocked as this was so out of the blue.

i feel like I am in limbo at the moment, do I wait for him to know he wants us 100% or do I leave assuming he doesn’t want us. I’m so lost and upset with what to do.

Any advice or extra information needed, please let me know

[demonblaster]

Ahhh Chronic that'd hurt

If yous are going ahead furthur good to be sure now awful though for you & not feeling secure
Sounds like he's talking to you which is good. I reckon see what happens but your choice you know how yous are

Depression and BP Powerful emotions which really is what goes on with MI or any issues really
Bipolar depression goes very deeply Chronic do you know much about it? There's a lot of info on the net and sites, that's how I've learnt a lot and thinking it out too there's a thread here, think "this Bipolar life" & if you search it find other stuff, up to you but give you some insight.

Sorry for your hurt
let us know hun

[ChronicLearner]

Thanks demonblaster.

I work in the medical industry but the last 4 years I’ve done a lot of extra research into all of this, and especially bipolar in the last couple of months.

I’m trying my very very best to help him as much as I can but normally he doesn’t open up. This is the first thing he’s told me, and constantly tells me he doesn’t like talking.

This might sound selfish but I just wish I knew what to do, wait for him to potentially break our 4 year relationship, or work out what he wants and how long that will take 😞

[demonblaster]

Is there grief with the drugs?

Communications the biggy we need it & we're not overall good at it
What's he like darl, you sound like yous have been happy

Drugs & depression both can cause withdrawal from people

Do yous have a strong love, if you don't wanna answer all good darl

[ChronicLearner]

This is how all this came out, he had a massive bender on the weekend with drugs.

We have been very happy for about 3.5 years of the 4 and then a few more downs in the last 6 months since he’s been doing drugs again more and more

[demonblaster]

Sounds like he's being drawn in, anything that takes us away from ourselves our problems, makes us feel good & free, hopefully you can get through to him now rather than later when it'll be so much harder

It's gunna drag you down, do you think he'll listen to you at this stage, sounds probs not from previous posts.

He probs doesn't see any problems or at least admit that it's causing grief which will make it harder for you to approach him

Is there anyone in his life still that he respects and would listen to if they give him a hard talk?

[ChronicLearner]

That’s exactly right, but unfortunately he thinks it’s for fun, nothing more.

I can see him self sabotaging and running things into the ground, and I’m really struggling in my mind now as I don’t want to walk away from him or our life, but it’s really hurting me.

[demonblaster]

Yeah it would be hurting hard & being in limbo too. Hard not knowing where you stand for sure

Drugs ruin so many lives

I'm not sure how but somehow you need to get through to him, make him listen and understand what it's doing to you & to him too he's kinda left the old life and friends aye

[Ellie05]

Hi ChronicLearner,

That is a very tricky situation. To be honest I think the only way you're going to be able to determine what he wants is to talk to him about it. It is unfair of him to leave you in limbo like that but both drugs and mental illness can make people do and say strange things.

Maybe it would be good for you to stay with family or friends for a night or two to give you a little bit of a break and time to think about things?

[ChronicLearner]

Agreed Demon, I’m in contact with his old best mate and he’s helping me the best he can. My partner is going over seas for 2 weeks on Sunday with his friends so that will give me some time to myself, I’m telling you I need it!

Thanks for your comment Ellie, we will get there I’m pretty sure, I’m just trying to keep my head as clear as possible which isn’t always easy