Heartbreak. ***trigger warning

[blink--]

So for quite a while me and my boyfriends relationship hasn't been very steady. He works a lot and so doesn't see me very much, not long ago I broke up with him because of it but now we're back together. He says he wants to take things slow (not telling his parents about us or taking me to family events etc) and I'm trying so hard to be patient but it's killing me. A lot of the reason he wants to take it slow is because he's upset at me moving on in times when we've broken up but it was so long ago why can't he just forgive me? I'm struggling to be intimate because of things in the past, consensual and non consensual. I just feel so dirty for anyone ever touching me other than him so my self worth is incredibly low and then him needing time before he actually treats me like a proper girlfriend is making it even harder. I'm trying so hard to be patient and understanding so he can heal but I feel like nothing and I deserve nothing but misery. I can't even deal with reality all I do is sleep. I almost feel as if I deserve everything that happened to me because I'm nothing but the girl on the side that you can use and who's answer no doesn't mean anything. We've been together in and off for about 6.5 years I don't know what to do anymore 💔

[Doolhof]

Hi Blink,

Very Belated Birthday Wishes to you. Hope you had a nice Birthday.

How is the colouring book going and the art supplies? Have you managed to create any painting yet? I like to splash a bit of paint around, but haven't made the time to do so for ages.

Hope the counselling is going well for you. It can be tough bringing up hurtful events and then having to deal with them. Emotions and thoughts can be tiring!

Friday week ago I had a sinus operation. I was scurrying around like a crazy person before the operation trying to get a lot of things sorted. This last week my head has been so dizzy and in a spin from the anaesthetic I think.

Shortly I am going into the garden for a bit of fresh air. I will rug up as it is rather cold here.

Have you managed to face a job interview since you last posted?

Wishing you well, from Mrs. Dools

[blink--]

Hey 🙂

the crafty side of things went alright but I get over things quite fast so I haven't done them in a couple of weeks. I had a retail interview and didn't get it but I'm back at my regular work (pub) but its only weekends and crappy pay but its a start. I hope youre feeling better, gardening actually sounds nice I've got some stuff I want to plant just waiting for the right weather 🙂