He wants the party life & tells me Im boring cos i stay home & care for our 6 year old

[melissam76]

Hi there,

10 years into our relationship & my partner is out at least 3 nights a week till very very late (playing darts?) he thinks Im boring as I stay home with our 6 year old daughter who is a real challenge to say the least. He puts me down all the time, we manage a caravan park with his mum & step dad and he constantly tells me Im useless and makes me feel incompetent. To cut a long story short, Im drained, maybe even broken. I have gone from a strong girl to an emotional wreck. I have no family close by, they live interstate so Im pretty alone.

[stormcloudz]

Hi melissam

Well of course you need to look after your six-year-old daughter!

I'm sorry that things are difficult. It sounds like your husband is restless and isn't fully ready to be a family man.

What do you think?

Would counselling be any help? You could give Relationships Australia a call and see what they have to offer? 1300 364 277

[quirkywords]

Melissa, welcome to the forum. Well done for reaching out by wring your post.

It is sad that your partner is putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself.

Has he always been like that or has this just happened in the last year..?

You are responsible caring for your 6 year old.

I once managed a country motel with my Then partner who put me down all the time and spent most of the time at the pub. I know how much work there is at a caravan park.

Are there any friends in your town?

You are still strong, you care for your child and younwrote this post.

As stormz has suggested ruining Relationships Australia may help you sort out your thoughts.

Thanks again for sharing your story.

Quirky

[Alexlisa]

Hello Melissa,

It sounds like you're in a very tough situation and I'm glad you reached out here. First I want to say that it's not ok for anyone to treat you like that. Particularly the way that he puts you down. I know from my own experience in a similar relationship that it can be very hard on your self-esteem and identity to be subjected to that type of feedback that makes you doubt your own strength and right to happiness.

I was wondering if you would consider seeing a psychologist (for you individually, not as a couple). I know that it helped me a lot to essentially rebuild myself as a person. It's a work in progress but I've gradually been able to reconnect with my own strength and independence with the support of my psychologist. It took quite a while for me to see that the way I was being treated was wrong and just how much it had really effected me over time. It was like it had accumulated to wear me down so gradually I had stopped noticing how badly I felt about myself.

In the end I separated from my partner of 10+ years and (although at times it's been difficult) I know it's the best decision that I ever made because it let me realise that I deserve to be treated well in my life. It's all still a work in progress for me, after 1.5 years, but I'm getting there with the help of my psychologist. I want you to know that you are strong for reaching out here.

Take care,

Alexlisa x

[geoff]

Hello Melissam76, thanks for reaching out to us because there are so many people who have been or still in the same situation.

You have a 6 year old daughter so it would not be proper to go out 3 nights a week till late, obviously drinking as his mum would have her hands tied during the day and early into the night, but always on duty if needed throughout the night, so your partner is only thinking of himself and seems to accept no responsibility.

Just because his mum and step-dad have a job managing a caravan park shouldn't give him the power to be in control of you and maybe the chance of talking to his mum may or may not be possible, and even if you were able to, it might not suit your partner.

If you keep being told that you’re not good enough sooner or later you’ll start to believe it and this could be classified as being emotional abuse.

Are you able to take your daughter for a holiday interstate so you can stay with your family, they may even meet you half way so that the trip isn't so lonely.

I would consider doing this so you can have a break, but I understand that your daughter has school to consider but your health is very important and you need help because you can't overcome this by yourself.

I hope that we can hear back from you.

Geoff.

You are now suffering I'm sorry to say and hope you are able to see your GP to get their advice and then see a psychologist because